Mockingjay Hijacked
by Hermia18
Summary: We were only ever told one side of the story in Mockingjay. This time we hear Peeta's story, how he was tortured and hijacked by the Capitol. How he found himself in a mind that didn't seem to belong to him. Nearly losing more than his life in the rebellion and how he slowly came back to himself, becoming the boy with the bread once again.
1. Chapter 1

**Mockingjay – Hijacked**

**Okay so this is a trial chapter for Mockingjay from Peeta's point of view. If you really like it then please tell me and I'll carry on writing the story. If you hate it and think it's rubbish then please tell me, and I'll have another think, and try a different approach. Thanks – Hermia :) **

Chapter 1

The screams almost pierce my eardrums, the noise cutting through me like a knife. I scramble backwards in to the corner of my cell, my back pressed against the cold stone. I clamp my hands tight over my ears, trying without success to block out the agonising shrieks of pain emanating from the room next door.

"Please!" She cries, "Please stop!" Johanna Mason, the woman who once seemed so fearless, so powerful and strong. Now being tortured at the hands of the Capitol, and begging for mercy.

"It's no use pretending you don't know anything Mason," A harsh male voice shouts, "We know you were in on the rebellion from the beginning!"

I press my hands tighter over my ears, not wanting to hear the screams that Johanna will make in just a few seconds.

I was moved to this underground prison a few days ago. At least I think it was a few days ago, it's beginning to become difficult to know when one day ends and another begins. My cell is windowless, made up entirely of cold stone bricks, except for the tiny foot long space with bars, at the bottom of the right wall.

I squeeze my eyes shut, and press my head to my knees. _At least Katniss is safe. _I think desperately to myself, for that had been the goal hadn't it? I'd entered that arena knowing that I was going to die, and that I would do all I could to help Katniss live. All I know is that during that last hideous night in the arena, the force field was blown out. She was rescued along with Finnick by a District 13 hovercraft, Haymitch and most of the other victors knew of the rescue plan. Katniss and I were kept completely in the dark. I still am.

I feel a surge of anger towards Haymitch. Why couldn't he have told us the plan? That way maybe we could all have been rescued, instead of leaving Johanna and me to rot in this living hell. I should never have trusted him.

I tentatively open my eyes, I'd shut them so tight that it takes a couple of seconds for them to adjust to the gloom of my cell. Slowly, I take hands away from my ears, thinking they're done with Johanna for now. Then I clamp them back down furiously.

"Tell us the truth!" The harsh male voice bellows,

"It'll only get worse for you Mason!" Another male voice adds.

Worse? How could it possibly get worse? When Johanna doesn't answer, she finds out. I hear a splash of water, and then the flick of a switch. And then the most drawn out, painful, spine chilling scream sounds.

I stuff my fingers deep in to my ears, and start to hum. At first it's nonsensical, but then a song flashes in my head. The song that Katniss sung to Rue as she died, the one promising a better tomorrow. I wish I could appreciate the irony.

I've gone through the song at least seven times, before I check whether they've finished with Johanna. Ears straining, I hear the smack of flesh on stone, and then the slamming of a great iron door. I crawl over to the iron bars, on the opposite wall.

"Johanna?" I whisper hoarsely, begging for her to answer. I squint through the bars, and horror washes over me. Johanna is lying sopping wet on the floor, dressed in grey rags. Her arms and legs are covered in deep lacerations, some of which are still sinisterly oozing blood on to the floor. Through the gloom I can see that her chest rises and falls slowly. I feel a surge of relief, at the fact that she's still alive.

"Johanna!" I say more urgently when she doesn't respond. She groans and turns over so that I see the damage done to her face. The flesh looks purple, and dangerously swollen. Her lower lip is completely split, and I can see from here that several of her teeth are missing.

I've been told that I'm scheduled for interrogation later on today, so I know it's only a matter of hours until I end up like Johanna.

She starts to slowly drag herself towards the sound of my voice, coughing and wincing as she moves. She collapses just on the opposite side of the bars.

"Johanna, are you okay?" It's a stupid question I know. Anyone who took even one glance at Johanna now would be able to see that she is about as far from okay, as frost is from fire.

"Yeah never better brainless," she mumbles in to the floor, "it's like we're having a little holiday isn't it?" I take the attempt at sarcasm as a definite sign that she is slowly recovering, and lean back against the wall, keeping the little window to my left.

"Bet they're having a brilliant time over in District 13," Johanna says bitterly.

"They'll be doing all that they can do try and get us out," I say quietly. I may have only found out that District 13 existed a few days ago, but I know that Katniss would not sit idly by and let Johanna and I be tortured beyond all recognition.

"Yeah let me know how that though works out," She spits. There's silence for a few moments, until Johanna talks again a few minutes later. "You know that they got Annie Cresta?" She says hoarsely.

To be honest the information doesn't surprise me, she can't know much, but undoubtedly they'll be using her in some form. I slowly pick up a pack of cards that must have belonged to a previous occupant of the room, and shuffle them methodically.

"How do you know?" I ask.

"I hear her wailing at night, going completely out of her head." She replies.

I remain silent, I can't think of anything constructive to say. "What do you think they're going to do to us Johanna?" I say eventually, for the first time voicing my fear out loud.

"Kill us if we're lucky," She says shortly, "no, more likely they'll just keep picking at us, until eventually we don't resemble anything of our former selves."

I suppress a shudder, just as the door of my cell bangs open, flooding the room with artificial light. Two Peacekeepers seize me on either arm, I drop the cards and they pull me up from the floor.

"Don't give in Peeta!" Johanna shouts, just as I'm dragged from the room. The brightness of the light bulbs outside of the cell are so intense, that I have to shut my eyes. By the time I've opened them again, I'm in another cell like room, containing one solitary chair, and a television mounted on the wall. The Peacekeepers thrust me in to an old rickety chair, and slam the door shut.

My breathing is rapid, and fear washes over me. Am I about to undergo the same fate as Johanna? _They'll just keep picking at us, until eventually we don't resemble anything of our former selves. _As much as I hate to admit it, Johanna is probably right.

The two Peacekeepers handcuff my hands behind the chair, and stand ominously in front of me. The taller of the two men has jet black hair and beard. The shorter, has a long nose and a face that resembles a rat.

"What are you going to do to me?" I ask trying to keep my voice strong, but there's an unmistakable quiver in my tone.

They don't say anything, the rat faced one leans over and flicks a switch on the television. They stand aside so I get a full view of the screen.

Perplexed I look at the screen, and then my heart drops in to my stomach. Katniss stands in the middle of a dense jungle, Johanna next to her. They watch as a trail of golden wire cascades to their feet. The next thing I see makes me gasp, Johanna hits Katniss over the head with the cylinder that holds the rest of the wire.

"What the—" I start, but one of the Peacekeepers stops me from shouting.

"Shut it," one of them growls, and I fall silent.

The I realise why she did it. Pinning Katniss to the ground with her knees, she viciously digs a knife around in Katniss's forearm, relieving her of her tracking device.

"Stay down!" Johanna hisses before running off in to the jungle.

Seconds later two people run towards her weak form. Behind my back my hands curl in to fists as I see Brutus. This must have been minutes before I killed him.

"She's good as dead! Come on, Enobaria!" He says, and they both run from her.

I watch horrified as Katniss slowly makes her way to her feet, messily binds her damaged arm with some moss, and drags herself through the jungle. She hides in the trees as Finnick thunders past, clearly not trusting him. Then the sound of a canon, and Katniss stops dead. Chaff has just died, but of course she doesn't know it.

"Peeta?" She calls softly, just as the lightening tree comes in to view. "Peeta?" She hears a moan, and whips round.

"Beetee!" She exclaims seeing him lying a little way up the slope. "Beetee! Beetee, what's going on! Who cut you? Beetee!" She says bandaging his arm, which is cut in the same way Katniss's is. Then we both see that he's holding my knife, and it's wrapped loosely in the wire.

For a while she stares at the wire, then looks up to the force field, then to Beetee, and back again.

"Katniss!" I hear my own voice, and I remember the desperation I felt. "Katniss!"

"Peeta! I'm here! Peeta!" She calls back. She carries on calling out to me, and I fail to make it in time.

Finnick and Enobaria reach the lightening tree, just as another canon sounds. "Katniss!" I howl in to the night

Slowly she puts two and two together, and I realise why Beetee wanted my knife that night. Katniss hurriedly ties the wire around an arrow. She raises her bow, and I see the trail of fine golden wire coming off the arrow she is preparing to fire. She releases the string and the arrow flies in to the air, just as the lightening strikes the tree. A flash of white runs up the wire, and for just a moment, the dome bursts into a dazzling blue light. Katniss is thrown back in the air, seemingly paralysed by the electric shocks and the screen goes blank.

Then I realise, that it was Katniss that blew the force field that last night in the arena. I sit in the chair utterly bewildered at what I've just seen.

"What do you make of that then loverboy?" The rat faced Peacekeeper asks. Somehow the use of this old nickname brings me back to myself.

"Don't call me that!" I snap, trying to absorb the information I've just seen.

"I seem to have touched a nerve," Rat face sniggers, and then without warning he punches me in the stomach, causing me to double over with pain.

"Careful!" The other one shouts, "President Snow said that we're to not leave any noticeable injuries!"

Eyes streaming, I raise my head to see Rat Face glaring at his fellow Peacekeeper. First I see how Katniss blew out the force field, and now this. No noticeable injuries? And these were orders by President Snow? Someone uncuffs me, and sets me on my feet.

"Come on Mellark, we better get you in to prep." The black haired Peacekeeper says, "You're on air at seven o'clock."


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much for all the positive feedback. Please carry on reading, and reviewing :) I hope you all enjoy reading it. **

Chapter 2

The Peacekeepers push me up several flights of stairs, and after walking along a seemingly endless maze of grey corridors, I'm shoved in to another room and thrust in to a black leather chair.

I stare in to the mirror opposite me, which takes up the entire wall. It's the first time I've seen my reflection since before we entered the arena for the quarter quell. Several days of limited sleep, and not opportunity for washing, has left me with a thoroughly neglected look.

"What's going on?" I ask defensively.

"You're going to have a little interview Mellark," Rat Face says, "President Snow will brief you before you go on."

I swallow and turn my gaze back towards the mirror. President Snow will brief me? Clearly if I say the wrong thing in this interview, things will take a definite run downhill.

After several minutes two anonymous Capitol attendants enter the room, and start doing my prep. I want to ask what happened to my prep team, and to Portia, but something tells me that it would

earn me another punch in the stomach.

Portia, I keep wondering what's happening to her at the moment. Is she still alive? Cinna's stunt with Katniss's wedding dress on the interview night, must have earned them both a fair amount of danger. I do hope that she is still alive, she only ever showed me support and kindness. Two traits that the world definitely needs more of.

The two Capitol attendants work of me for hours, whilst the Peacekeepers guard the door. By the time they've finished I don't show any trace of being held captive in a dungeon. My skin is glowing in the full body polish kind of way, my hair shiny and free from grime.

Somewhere during the prep another Capitol attendant dropped off a sealed garment bag. They hand it to me now, telling me to change out of the tattered shirt and trousers, and in to the black shirt and blue suit that they've provided.

When I'm changed, the door opens. The atmosphere in the room turns even more icy as President Snow crosses the threshold.

"You may leave," he says to the Capitol attendants and Peacekeepers, "Mr Mellark and I need a private talk."

Rat Face gives me a contemptuous sneer as he and the others leave the room, and the door slams with an ominous bang.

"Sit please Mr Mellark," says President Snow.

I give the President the biggest look of loathing that I can muster before I sit in the black leather chair.

"Now Peeta, you and Katniss Everdeen have caused quite a lot of trouble," He says, giving me a cold look. "Half of the districts are in rebellion."

I keep my face passive, this fact doesn't surprise me. I figured that after the events of the quarter quell, and after Katniss was rescued, things wouldn't have remained the same.

"What do you want me to say?" I ask stonily.

President Snow holds up a finger to stop me. "First Peeta, I want to explain something. You see in my office there is a button, a button that once pressed will send planes full of fire bombs over to District 13. In short, over to Katniss Everdeen."

My mouth turns dry, I thought she was safe. I hold the Presidents gaze for a few seconds, trying to work out whether he's bluffing or not. Even if he is, I can't run the risk.

"What do you want me to say," I repeat croakily.

"Something to dispel the districts. Make them really think about what they are doing." He says simply, and turns towards the door. He pauses with his hand on the door knob. "Remember Mr Mellark, the stakes are higher than ever. You can't afford to stumble."

He leaves, and the Peacekeepers come back in. Then more stairs, and more corridors until we enter another small room. This one is decorated with plush carpets, and vases full of roses. Caesar Flickerman sits with his painted face and sparkly suit, in one of the two chairs positioned in the centre of the room. About fifteen television cameras are positioned around the chairs, watching my every move.

Caesar shakes my hand in greeting, and invites me to sit in the chair next to him. My heart is beating fast, President Snows last words still echoing in my ears.

"We're going out live in five, four, three, two, one, and action!" A woman shouts from the corner of the room.

Caesar settles himself more comfortably in the chair across from me and gives me a long look.

"So…Peeta…welcome back."

I smile slightly. "I bet you thought you'd done your last interview with me, Caesar."

"I confess, I did," says Caesar. "The night before the Quarter Quell…well, who ever thought we'd see you again?"

"It wasn't part of my plan, that's for sure," I say with a frown.

Caesar leans in to me a little. "I think it was clear to all of us what your plan was. To sacrifice yourself in the arena so that Katniss Everdeen and your child could survive."

"That was it. Clear and simple." I say suddenly remembering how the lie about Katniss's fake pregnancy still hasn't come to light. My fingers trace the upholstered pattern on the arm of the chair, thinking about what would have happened had my plan actually been followed through. "But other people had plans as well."

A silence follows, and I frown slightly. The rebels used us as pawns, rescuing Katniss, yet leaving me and Johanna behind. She's alive and that was the plan from the beginning. But still how could Haymitch have known and not told us?

"Why don't you tell us about that last night in the arena?" suggests Caesar. "Help us sort a few things out."

I nod, but I take my time in speaking, wanting to sort out my thoughts before I disclose what life in the arena is like.

"That last night…to tell you about that last night…well, first of all, you have to imagine how it felt in the arena. It was like being an insect trapped under a bowl filled with steaming air. And all around you, jungle…green and alive and ticking. That giant clock ticking away your life. Every hour promising some new horror. You have to imagine that in the past two days, sixteen people have died—some of them defending you. At the rate things are going, the last eight will be dead by morning. Save one. The victor. And your plan is that it won't be you." I've tried my best to describe the feeling, but you could never really know what it's like unless you've lived it.

"Once you're in the arena, the rest of the world becomes very distant," I continue. "All the people and things you loved or cared about almost cease to exist. The pink sky and the monsters in the jungle and the tributes who want your blood become your final reality, the only one that ever mattered. As bad as it makes you feel, you're going to have to do some killing, because in the arena, you only get one wish. And it's very costly."

"It costs your life," says Caesar. His words take me back to a night a year and a half ago. The night before we entered the games for the first time. Where I tried to explain to Katniss how I didn't want them change me. I didn't want to become another piece in their games.

"Oh, no. It costs a lot more than your life. To murder innocent people?" I say. "It costs everything you are."

"Everything you are," repeats Caesar quietly.

«So you hold on to your wish." I say, "And that last night, yes, my wish was to save Katniss. But even without knowing about the rebels, it didn't feel right. Everything was too complicated. I found myself regretting I hadn't run off with her earlier in the day, as she had suggested. But there was no getting out of it at that point."

"You were too caught up in Beetee's plan to electrify the salt lake," says Caesar. Katniss wanted to break from the group earlier that day. But it was my idea to keep up the alliance. My fault.

"Too busy playing allies with the others. I should have never let them separate us!" I burst out. "That's when I lost her."

"When you stayed at the lightning tree, and she and Johanna Mason took the coil of wire down to the water," Caesar clarifies.

"I didn't want to!" I flush in agitation. He's making it sound like I wanted her to go. It was the worst choice I've ever made. "But I couldn't argue with Beetee without indicating we were about to break away from the alliance. When that wire was cut, everything just went insane. I can only remember bits and pieces. Trying to find her. Watching Brutus kill Chaff. Killing Brutus myself. I know she was calling my name. Then the lightning bolt hit the tree, and the force field around the arena…blew out."

"Katniss blew it out, Peeta," says Caesar. "You've seen the footage."

"She didn't know what she was doing. None of us could follow Beetee's plan. You can see her trying to figure out what to do with that wire," I snap back.

"All right. It just looks suspicious," says Caesar. "As if she was part of the rebels' plan all along."

Anger flares up inside me. I may not know much, after seeing the footage of the last night in the arena, I can make a pretty good judgement. And I know that Katniss would never have kept anything like that from me. I leap to my feet, my face inches from Caesars, my hand locked on the arms of his chair.

"Really? And was it part of her plan for Johanna to nearly kill her? For that electric shock to paralyze her? To trigger the bombing?" I'm shouting now. "She didn't know, Caesar! Neither of us knew anything except that we were trying to keep each other alive!"

Caesar places a hand on my chest, "Okay, Peeta, I believe you."

"Okay," I say, sitting down and running my fingers through my hair.

"What about your mentor, Haymitch Abernathy?" Caesar says after pausing for a moment.

My face hardens. "I don't know what Haymitch knew."

"Could he have been part of the conspiracy?" asks Caesar.

"He never mentioned it," I say shortly.

Caesar presses on. "What does your heart tell you?"

"That I shouldn't have trusted him," I say. "That's all."

Caesar pats my shoulder. "We can stop now if you want."

"Was there more to discuss?" I say wryly.

"I was going to ask your thoughts on the war, but if you're too upset…" begins Caesar.

"Oh, I'm not too upset to answer that." _Make them really think about what they are doing. _ Take a deep breath and look in to the camera_._ "I want everyone watching—whether you're on the Capitol or the rebel side—to stop for just a moment and think about what this war could mean. For human beings. We almost went extinct fighting one another before. Now our numbers are even fewer. Our conditions more tenuous. Is this really what we want to do? Kill ourselves off completely? In the hopes that—what? Some decent species will inherit the smoking remains of the earth?"

"I don't really…I'm not sure I'm following…" says Caesar.

"We can't fight one another, Caesar," I explain. "There won't be enough of us left to keep going. If everybody doesn't lay down their weapons—and I mean, as in very soon —it's all over, anyway."

"So…you're calling for a cease-fire?" Caesar asks.

"Yes. I'm calling for a cease-fire," I say tiredly. "Now why don't we ask the guards to take me back to my quarters so I can build another hundred card houses?"

Caesar turns to the camera. "All right. I think that wraps it up. So back to our regularly scheduled programming."

Music plays us out, and I look to the door. There I see President Snow standing in the door way, slowly shaking his head.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I'm dragged back to my cell by my hair, and I can feel several hairs parting company from my scalp. I begin to appreciate just how long a journey it is from the studio to my prison, all the while one Peacekeeper will surely leave bruises judging by the tightness of his grip on my upper arm, while the other maintains a firm grip on my hair.

The door of my cell opens, and I'm flung on to the stone floor, landing with an ominous thud. Wincing slightly, I crawl over to the wall, and lean against it breathing heavily.

"What did they do to you?" Johanna says softly.

I take a deep breath, before I tell her everything. About seeing the footage of the arena, of President Snow's threatening message, and of my interview with Caesar Flickerman.

"I had to call for a cease fire, I had no other option," I finish lamely.

"Oh Peeta," Johanna sighs, "don't you realise what that means?"

"What?" I say defensively, she didn't hear how chilling Snow's words had been.

"You're already being held by the Capitol, but the rebels aren't going to take what you've said lightly." She says, "You may have made yourself a target, meaning that you may be in danger even if we do ever get out of this stinking prison."

I hadn't thought of it like that. Either way it makes little difference to me at this point.

"I didn't have a choice," I say simply. Absent mindedly I shuffle the deck of cards, randomly passing them between my hands, as both Johanna and I fall silent.

I lie on the floor, my stomach growling from hunger. I've been fairly well fed up to this point, but no food comes through the hatch at the bottom of the door tonight. My tongue is dry from thirst too, so place my mouth under a drip from the ceiling, hoping to wet my parched mouth.

I shuffle my body on the hard stone of the floor, trying to find a comfortable position. I think of my family, and where they are now. Are they still in District 12? Or has the Capitol done something else with them. What I wouldn't give to be sitting round our old kitchen table with them now, eating the stale bread that always made up our breakfast. My stomach gives a particularly painful pang of hunger, so I try to push the thought from my mind. I close my itchy tired eyes, and try to sleep. After several hours of trying, I eventually fall in to an uneasy doze.

I can hear the sea slowly breaking on to the sand, I look around me and see first the beach, and then the jungle that made up the arena for the quarter quell. There's apparently no one but me in the segment I'm standing in, but I look around and two segments of sand over from me, stands Katniss.

"Katniss!" I call to her, waving. She see's me and waves back. I start to run across the sand, but when I'm feet away from her I'm thrown back. Gingerly I get to my feet, and put my hand out. I feel a smooth glass like wall separating the two of us. Just like the one that kept us apart during the Jabberjay attack.

Perplexed I look at Katniss, who seems just as confused as I am. Then I see the trail of thin golden wire trailing across the beach. It's like a bucket of ice had been dropped in to my stomach.

"Katniss! The wire, get out of there!" I scream to her. But it's no use, she's completely trapped.

I watch completely helpless, and the lightening hits the tree. Then the wire turns white, and Katniss falls to the ground her body convulsing hideously. Her strangled screams, echo in my ears as I wake, still hopelessly sobbing.

I gently rock myself to and fro reminding myself that my dream wasn't real, that Katniss is with the rebel army, and a lot safer than I am at this point.

By the time I've calmed myself down, the hatch at the bottom of the door opens, and my breakfast is pushed through. Well a solitary slice of stale bread, and half a glass of water. I hold the bread to my nose, breathing in its familiar scent. It smells so much like home that it almost hurts. I eat it quickly, but it does nothing to calm my hunger pangs.

I've barely finished before the door is pushed open, and two new Peacekeepers, one with platinum blonde hair, and the other with eyes so black you can't see his pupils, seize me by the shoulders and pull me from the room.

"Where are you taking me!" I demand, trying to struggle against their vice like grip. But they refuse to answer, dragging me in to a room just a few doors down from my cell. A white surgical table sits in the centre of the room, with black restraining belts along the edges. My eyes widen in terror, as I see several vicious looking instruments on shelves in the corner. A metal stick with sharp spikes down the side, a heavy steel rod, and an array of knives.

I try to dig my heels in to the floor, to stop myself from being forced over to the table. But the Peacekeepers simply lift me up by the arms, and thrust me on to the table.

"No!" I yell, still struggling. The blonde Peacekeeper pins me down, while the other belts me in tightly, making escape in possible. A feeling of pure terror takes over me.

"No!" I scream, but the black eyed Peacekeeper seizes the metal rod from the shelf, and brings it crashing down on my stomach, causing me to yell out in agony.

"Time for you to start telling the truth Mellark!" A Peacekeeper growls, "Otherwise you'll get a lot worse than that!"

"When did Haymitch Abernathy tell you about the rescue plan for the quarter quell?" The other shouts.

"He didn't!" I yell back, utterly terrified at what will happen next. It earns me a blow to the knees with the metal pole, causing my knee caps to scream out in pain.

"Stop lying!" one of them bellows, and I feel spikes dig in to my bicep, dragging themselves all the way down to my elbow. My arm feels wet as copious amounts of blood run down on to the table.

My breathing has become shallow, my heart pounding hard in my chest.

"What work is Katniss Everdeen doing for the rebels?"

Is this how it was going to work? They were going to keep asking me questions that I had no answer to, and keep beating me up because of it?

"I don't know!" I half sob, and I close my eyes, to await the blow that follows. But it doesn't come. I tentatively open my eyes, and see the two Peacekeepers wheeling a machine over from the corner. It has a load of buttons and dials, none of which look good. While the blonde haired Peacekeeper attaches pads on my arms and chest, the other one looks directly in to my eyes.

"This machine Mellark, is designed to administer electric shocks. Level one is considered to be very mildly dangerous, ten is said to be excruciatingly painful. This machine goes up to level fifteen." He says in an icy voice.

I start to writhe around, in an attempt to free myself. Shoots of pain run up my arm and knees, but I remain just as trapped as I was before.

"Now we'll ask you again Mellark, what do you know of Katniss Everdeen's current activity?"

I don't even have the chance to answer before I hear the flick of a switch. Then my entire body feels like it's on fire, the stinging going deep in to my flesh. I can't control myself, I can feel myself convulsing, but I can't do anything to stop it. And then it leaves, as soon as it started. I'm left feeling weak, my heart racing, my muscles trembling.

"No more. Please no more." I plead.

"That was level seven Mellark, you don't want me to go any higher do you?" Black eyes says calmly.

But it does go higher. Its hours later, when they finally finish with me and dump me back in my cell. My hands are shaking uncontrollably, my body aching and I'm trembling all over. I crawl in to a corner, and sob quietly, praying that Johanna won't hear me.

The next two days are exactly the same. I'm taken from my cell in the morning, and am subjected to most unimaginable pain. I feel like I'm being starved, my daily food rations are a tenth of what they used to be, and even though it's been just three days since my interview, my clothes are already feeling much looser. My bones are becoming far more pronounced against my sunken flesh. I stop sleeping, afraid of what I might see when I close my eyes. I just sit against the wall hoping against hope that the next day never dawns. I sometime hear Johanna muttering in her sleep, other times I hear her screaming. The worst part of it is that I can't summon up one word of comfort for her. I'm too trapped inside the horror that's going on in my own head.

I manage to snatch a couple of hours sleep tonight, but I still wake up screaming for Katniss to run. Right on time a couple of Peacekeepers snatch me up from the stone floor, and drag me to face another day of terror. Only this time, instead of being taken to the room with the surgical table, and hideous instruments of torture, I'm taken to the other room with the solitary chair and television screen.

I don't have the energy to fight it anymore. Any attempt at movement hurts some part of me, so I let them cuff my hands and feet to the chair without resistance.

First it's just a blank screen, but then a tiny spark flickers in the centre. It blossoms, spreads, silently eating up the blackness until the entire frame is ablaze with a fire so real and intense, I imagine I feel the heat emanating from it. The image of Katniss's mockingjay pin emerges, glowing red-gold. The deep, resonant voice begins to speak. Claudius Templesmith, the official announcer of the Hunger Games, says, "Katniss Everdeen, the girl who was on fire, burns on."

Suddenly, there she is. My heart rate increases as Katniss appears on screen, replacing the mockingjay, standing before real flames and smoke of some far off District I can't place.

"I want to tell the rebels that I am alive. That I'm right here in District Eight, where the Capitol has just bombed a hospital full of unarmed men, women, and children. There will be no survivors." She says in a furious, blazing voice.

Then the film cuts to the hospital collapsing in on itself, the desperation of the onlookers as she continues in voice-over. So this is what she's been doing for the rebels. They're using her to film propos that will only elongate the war and end badly for her. It feels like heavy stones drop in to the pit of my stomach as I carry on watching.

"I want to tell people that if you think for one second the Capitol will treat us fairly if there's a cease-fire, you're deluding yourself. Because you know who they are and what they do."

The screen cuts back to her now, her hands lifting up to indicate the outrage around her.

"This is what they do! And we must fight back!"

I watch horrified as they show a montage of a battle. Bombs falling all around her and some others I don't know. No hang on I do know one of them. Gale and Katniss run, from the falling chaos, desperate to escape. Gale is working for the rebels too. Jealously flares up inside me like a snake, desperate to bite, to wound, to kill. Katniss is over there working cosily with Gale, while I rot in my cell, and am half killed every day.

They fight ruthlessly, knocking planes out of the sky with burning arrows. They show close ups of Katniss's wounds, then them scaling across roofs, furiously dodging the fire bombs.

Then a smash-cut back to Katniss, slowly moving in on the camera.

"President Snow says he's sending us a message? Well, I have one for him. You can torture us and bomb us and burn our districts to the ground, but do you see that?"

The camera tracks the planes burning on the roof of the warehouse. They zoom in on the Capitol seal on a wing, which melts back into the image of Katniss's face, shouting at the president. "Fire is catching! And if we burn, you burn with us!" Flames engulf the screen again. Superimposed on them in black, solid letters are the words:_**Fire is catching! And if we burn, you burn with us! **_The words catch fire and the whole screen burns to blackness.

_Fire is catching! And if we burn, you burn with us. _The words glow before my eyes for a few seconds, before gradually fading away, taking my last ounce of strength with them.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello all, I'd just like to say that I am absolutely overwhelmed by the amount of positive feedback this story had got, thank you all so much :) I'd also like to apologise for the slowness of the updates. I've got kind of a lot going on at the moment, but I'll try to update more frequently. Please carry on reviewing, thank you all for reading – Hermia **

Chapter 4

Still reeling from the video I'm pulled in to the torture room. I know what's going to happen. But that doesn't make it any less terrifying.

I try to kick out at the Peacekeepers as I'm hauled towards the table. It's only now that I notice the dark red stains that cover it. I hope that it's my own blood. The thought of having to lie in the remnants of another persons misery and pain, makes me feel disgusted.

"Please, no more." I sob desperately as they strap me to the table. When they ignore me I start shouting.

"I've had enough!" I scream hysterically, "Just end it!"

It's too much to ask. If they were going to kill me they would have done it as soon as Katniss blew out the force field. They're going to keep me here, breaking me in to little pieces until I'm not even myself anymore.

"Shut up!" A Peacekeeper growls menacingly. The verbal warning clearly isn't enough though, as my yells earn me an additional blow to the stomach.

I close my eyes, willing for it all to end. All I see behind my closed lids is a glowing orange caused by the bright lights. A glow that looks almost like a sunset.

"_Let's start with something more basic. Isn't it strange that I know you'd risk your life to save mine ... but I don't know what your favourite colour is?"_

"_Green. What's yours?"_

"_Orange," _

"_Orange? Like Effie's hair?" _

"_A bit more muted. More like ... sunset."_

The vividness of this memory makes a strangled sob escape my throat. I open my eyes, and see that one Peacekeeper is wheeling the electricity machine in from the corner. Sheer panic over whelms my sadness, and I furiously struggle against my restraints.

"PLEASE! PLEASE NO MORE!" I yell at the top of my lungs.

One Peacekeeper tightens the restraining belts, while the other attaches pads to my still writhing body. Then the world ignites in sparks of electricity, setting my blood on fire.

Hours later, I'm flung back in to the stone confines of my prison. Shaking and sobbing, I'm a physical and emotional wreck. Through the wall I can hear Johanna screaming hysterically.

I huddle in a tight ball, eyes squeezed shut, willing myself to believe that I'm somewhere else.

_We both stand in the training centre. Next to the camouflage station._

"_It's lovely. If only you could frost someone to death," _

"_Don't be so superior. You can never tell what you'll find in the arena. Say it's actually a gigantic cake —"_

_We stand on the roof. Wind running through our hair, watching the flickering lights of the city below. _

_Only I keep wishing I could think of a way to . . . to show the Capitol they don't own me. That I'm more than just a piece in their Games,"_

"_But you're not. None of us are. That's how the Games work."_

"_Okay, but within that framework, there's still you, there's still me. Don't you see?"_

"_A little. Only . . . no offense, but who cares, Peeta?" _

"_I do. I mean, what else am I allowed to care about at this point?" _

_Then I see her gingerly padding along a river bank._

"_You here to finish me off, sweetheart?"_

_And then, we're wrapped in each others arms, waiting out a storm in a dark cave. _

"_No, it happened. And right when your song ended, I knew — just like your mother — I was a goner. Then for the next eleven years, I tried to work up the nerve to talk to you."_

"_Without success," _

"_Without success. So, in a way, my name being drawn in the reaping was a real piece of luck,"_

The memories flood my mind like water, and I hold on to them like a drowning man to a life ring. But eventually they drift way, and I'm left to face my reality. I'm sobbing on to the floor, the stone now quite slippery with my tears.

"Oh Katniss," I whisper, "What happened to us?"

I'm starting to think that maybe she did know something about the rebellion after all. It's a horrible thought, but after seeing the video of her in District 8…

She's come out as effectively being the symbol of the revolution, directly working with the rebel army. But if she'd known something, why didn't she tell me? I slowly blink, trying to clear my head from all the confusion that's happening inside it.

I ask myself this question for hours, trying to detract my mind away from my aching body, and growling hunger. Hours later I hear voices outside my cell.

"Why are they here?" I low gravelly voice asks.

"They were District 12's servants during the quell. President Snow's orders." A female voice answers.

My heart sinks, as I realise who they are talking. Darius and the redheaded avox girl. And they've been arrested because of me and Katniss.

"Well stick the redheads in cell eight. We'll deal with them in the morning." The low voice says. I hear the opening and shutting of a door, and then silence.

Somehow I manage to sleep. I don't have any nightmares to speak of, but the memories of Katniss and I haunt my sleep. I wake up wishing I'd just died in my sleep. At least then it would all be over.

For the next few days they leave me alone. I sit against the stone, listening the horrible sounds of torture issuing from outside the room. I start to lose track of the time again, the uncertainty threatening to drive me mad. All the while, those endless questions circle in my mind, never leaving me alone.

Eventually the metal door is slammed open, flooding the dull grey room with light. I throw up a hand to my eyes, shielding them from the worst of the glare.

"You've got another appointment with Mr Flickerman, Mellark." The rat faced Peacekeeper drawls. They seize me my the arms, and pull me along the maze of corridors until I'm in the room where I did my prep for the first interview. My arms stiffen as I see President Snow sitting casually in one of the chairs.

"Ah Peeta, a word please before you go on." He says icily. I don't say anything so he continues, "No doubt you've seen the damage a certain Miss Everdeen has been causing over in District 8. Well seeing as your words had little effect on her last time, I'm going to give you another chance Peeta." He says. I stare blankly at him, and he stands up, "Be warned Mr Mellark, I do not like having my patience tested."

He leaves, and I'm thrust in to the chair in front of the mirror. I gasp as I see my reflection. I don't recognise the boy sitting in front of me at all. His cheeks are hollow, his whole face sallow and thin. His blue eyes look huge in the sunken wasteland of his face.

I'm covered in spatters of blood, and dirt, a nervous tremor ticking through me.

They clean me up as best they can, but there's no denying that I look terrible. No amount of makeup could cover the bags under my eyes, no amount of clothes could make me look like I hadn't been starved and tortured. The thought strikes me that Katniss will probably see this interview at some point. She'll see what I've become. What the Capitol has done to me.

I'm escorted from the room by another couple of Peacekeepers, and taken round to the other room where I did the last interview. Caesar sits in a chair, but he shows no surprise at my appearance.

"Three, two, one action!" A voice shouts, once I'm seated.

Caesar and I have a few empty exchanges before Caesar asks me about rumours that Katniss is taping propos for the districts. Well there's no rumour about it. I've seen the evidence myself, but apparently the footage hasn't directly made its way to the Capitol yet. The footage I saw had been sent by some Peacekeepers in District 2.

"They're using her, obviously," I say. "To whip up the rebels. I doubt she even really knows what's going on in the war. What's at stake."

"Is there anything you'd like to tell her?" asks Caesar.

"There is," I say. I look directly into the camera, imagining that I'm starring deep in to her beautiful grey eyes, and I remember mine and President Snow's last exchange.

"Don't be a fool, Katniss. Think for yourself. They've turned you into a weapon that could be instrumental in the destruction of humanity. If you've got any real influence, use it to put the brakes on this thing. Use it to stop the war before it's too late. Ask yourself, do you really trust the people you're working with? Do you really know what's going on?"

I pause and take a deep breath before speaking the final words of the interview. "And if you don't…find out."


	5. Chapter 5

**So so sorry for how slow this last update has been! I hope you all enjoy this next chapter :) **

Chapter 5

As the cameras switch off I feel a strange sense of déjà vu. Once again I'm seized by the hair and dragged from the room, and once again I see the livid face of President Snow shaking his head. As I pass him he whispers something to the Peacekeeper holding my hair. Whilst struggling to free my self from his grip I only hear a tiny bit of the conversation.

"The current approach isn't working…the redheads…I'll speak with the two of you later…"

That's all I hear before I'm pulled down a flight of stairs and am thrown unceremoniously to floor of my prison cell.

It most only be a couple of hours later, when the door is flung open once again, and I'm dragged down the corridor to another room.

This one is bigger than the room I'm usually interrogated in, but paved in the same white shiny tiles. My eyes dart around the room, and eventually focus in on the cowering pair in the corner. Their red hair vividly bright against the stark white of the tiles. It's Darius and the avox girl from the training centre, their eyes wide with terror.

"I believe your familiar with Lavinia and Darius, Mr Mellark." A Peacekeeper says nastily, pinning my flailing arms behind my back. So that's what the redheaded girls name was. It's strange I feel like I've known her for years, even though I never knew her name and could never speak to her. The fact that the three of us have been brought in to the same room together, cannot be a good sign.

I'm thrust in to a sturdy metal chair in the corner of the room opposite to Lavinia and Darius, a sinister white operating table sitting between us. I attempt to wrench my arms free, but they're held in place by heavy steel cuffs. My legs are restrained in the same way, and I'm unable to move.

"Her first," a blonde Peacekeeper says, jabbing a finger at Lavinia. A strangled cry of terror escapes from her, as she's yanked up from the floor, and slammed on to the table.

I watch in horror and she's strapped in just I had been so many times before. She screams opening her mouth wide. I look in disgust as I see the inside of her mouth. Pearly white teeth and a huge gaping space of where her tongue once was.

"Stop!" I shout, "Please stop!" But they're already wheeling that all to familiar electricity machine over. I can do nothing but watch as they attach the pads to her body. The blonde Peacekeeper hurls a bucket of water over her writhing frame, while she makes even more hideous straggled yells, unable to formulate words because of what the Capitol has done to her.

I squeeze my eyes shut, not wanting to see what will happen next. I hear the flick of a switch and I prepare myself for the shrieks of agony, but they never come.

"You idiot!" The blonde Peacekeeper shouts, and I open my eyes to see Lavinia lying quite still on the white table. She's dead.

"You put the voltage up too high you fool!" The blonde Peacekeeper yells at his counterpart, "What's President Snow going to say when he finds out?"

"What does it matter?" The other shouts back, "She was going to be killed anyway, it makes no difference."

I feel completely numb, as I blankly stare at Lavinia's glassy green eyes which look without seeing. I noise from the corner makes me glance over, and I see Darius sobbing hysterically. His face looks as if he's lived a hundred years of misery, his cries sounding like that of a wounded animal.

"Be quiet!" The blonde Peacekeeper bellows at him, and he crosses a room and aims a kick at Darius. His heavy boot makes contact with Darius's nose and I hear a sickening crunch. Darius lets out a howl of pain and anguish, as he clutches his nose blood spurting from the middle of his face.

"Right get rid of him," the blonde Peacekeeper says jerking his head at me, "I'll deal with the redhead here, and we'll pick up where we left off tomorrow morning," he adds, throwing a sinister leer back in my direction.

Still in a numb daze at what I saw, I'm uncuffed and dumped back in my stone compartment.

"Peeta?" I hear a whisper, and I crawl over to the barred window. "Peeta I heard screaming, what happened?"

It takes a couple of seconds for me to realise that it's Johanna who's talking to me.

"They killed her Johanna," I whisper in to the darkness.

"Who!" says Johanna more urgently.

"Lavinia," I say realising that I only knew her name for a few minutes before she died, "She was an avox for District 12 for the last two hunger games,"

Johanna waits a few seconds before speaking, "I thought it was maybe Annie. It's only a matter of time before they deal with her."

The tears start to run down my face, and choking sobs echo from my throat. I look down and see a tiny pale hand reaching through the bars. I grasp it tightly, and it squeezes back. It's the first time I've had any kind of physical affection since the quell.

"They only made you watch it so that it'd unnerve you Peeta," She says softly, "You have to fight it Peeta, don't give the bastards the satisfaction!" her voice grows fiercer, and her grip on my hand tightens.

We both grow quiet, and I manage to snatch a couple of hours sleep. Lavinia haunts my dreams though, her strangled screams, and empty gaping mouth…

I awake to the sound of voices.

"What did Haymitch Abernathy tell you about the rescue plan!" I harsh voice shouts. I lie still, and then I hear a hideous noise. I guttural animal like sound, which I know to be Darius.

Minutes later, and without warning my door is thrown open, and I'm pulled from the room. I'm pushed through the door directly opposite, and my blood runs cold at what I see. Darius lies in a pool of blood. His face has been battered and bruised beyond all recognition, swollen purple lumps sitting where his eyes should be. His left hand has been completely severed off, and with a pang of revulsion I see it lying on the floor a few feet away. I wouldn't have recognised the man had it not been for his flaming red hair.

I'm forced to watch as they ask him yet more question, which he has no way of answering. It goes on for hours, and I find myself silently begging that he would just die. At least then his pain would be over.

But it goes on for days, the Peacekeepers just keep beating him, and cutting off body parts. On the third day, I'm forced in to the room yet again, silently sobbing at what I see.

Darius is paper white, his right foot dangling but a few tendons, and all but one of the toes of his left foot are completely gone. There's a huge chunk missing from his nose, and his chest and stomach are black with bruises.

"I'm sorry," I choke, but Darius doesn't even hear me. I get a whack round the back of the knees with a metal pole, but my pain is nothing compared to the shell of the man lying in front of me.

Minutes later, he gives one last shuddering breath, before his chest stops rising. I give a sigh of relief, thankful that his ordeal is finally over. The images of his mangled body will never leave me, they've become imbedded in my thoughts.

I'm taken from that room, and forced in to another one down the hall. _You have to fight it Peeta. _But what's the point? I don't even struggle as the thrust me through the door. It's similar to the last one, apart from the fact that it holds a single black chair, with a load of white cabinets on the wall. On another wall sits a television screen.

I'm forced in to the chair, the television screen placed in front of me. I'm tied down, just as a menacing looking man and woman; both wearing white coats enter the room. The man has his hand raised in front of him slightly. It's then that I see the glittering syringe clutched between his fingers.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

I give a feeble attempt at a struggle, but all the energy has been drained from me. All I can do is sit there as the man and woman come closer.

Without warning the television screen flickers to life. I look down at the floor, not wanting to see whatever President Snow has decided to show me. But the sound of Katniss's voice makes me look up sharply.

"You have a . . . remarkable memory," She says haltingly.

I see that I'm on the screen too; we're both lying in a dark stone cave. I realise that It must be a clip from our first Hunger Games, and my mind is thrown in to confusion. Why are they showing me old videos of Katniss and I in the cave?

"I remember everything about you," I say, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "You're the one who wasn't paying attention."

"I am now," She says.

"Well, I don't have much competition here," I reply.

She pauses before speaking again, "You don't have much competition anywhere." And she leans towards my face, gently kissing me.

I remember that moment well. Even though we were starving, and could have been killed in minutes, I felt so blissfully happy I thought I would burst. It felt like the whole world around us had come to a halt, it was just the two of us together.

"Do you remember this, Mellark?" The woman asks sternly.

"Yes," I whisper.

I gasp as I feel the sharp jab of the needle in my upper arm, and my vision goes slightly foggy. It feels like my thoughts have turned hazy. I see a bright light, and I blink. Before me kneels the woman flashing a small light in my eyes.

I shake my head, trying to rid it of the fogginess. I try to recall the video clip that I've just seen, but it's almost like there's a block in my mind stopping me. And then it does come back to me. I'm looking at Katniss in the dull light of the cave, but her face is distorted, and her features set in a kind of furious snarl.

"That'll do for today," The man says, "We'll pick it up again tomorrow."

Disorientated and confused, I'm seized by the arms and pulled back down the corridor. Eventually I'm deposited on the stone floor, where I stay sitting.

Somehow that injection in my arm did something to my mind. The memory of Katniss and I in the cave became distorted, and seemed to almost change.

I'm scared. Far more afraid then when I was undergoing torture, in the white tiled room. That would only ever hurt me physically, but if they've found a way to delve in and alter my thoughts… I shudder at the thought.

A spine tingling scream brings me back to myself. It's coming from the room opposite my cell, so I scramble to the back trying to get as much distance between myself and the noise.

"Please stop!" Johanna shrieks.

I clasp my hands over my ears, desperately trying to block out the sound. Eventually it ends, and I hear Johanna thrown to the floor of the room next to me. I crawl to the small gap in the wall, and I hear her deep rasping breath.

"Johanna?" I whisper, I feel like I need to tell someone what happened, maybe if I do it'll make more sense.

"Yeah?" She croaks.

I quickly tell her about, the video clip of mine and Katniss's first Hunger Games, about the syringe, and how my mind became hazy.

"I'm scared Johanna, I don't know what they're planning on doing to me," I finish, struggling to hold back the tears.

"Hold on to Katniss, Peeta. Don't let them take her away from you." She says.

"How Johanna? How am I supposed to do that?" I hiss in a frantic whisper.

"Where did you first meet her Peeta? She asks softly.

I pause before speaking, trying to trudge up the memories that had been buried long ago.

"I saw her on our first day of school. We were both five, my father pointed her out to me in the school yard." I say.

Over the course of about an hour, I tell Johanna everything about Katniss. How I heard her sing for the first time, about the bread, and eventually our first Hunger Games.

The next day I'm sent in to the same room. A bold man with thick rimmed glasses, and a young women with long auburn hair stand in wait for me. They may have been the same two from yesterday, but I can't tell.

I desperately struggle against the Peacekeepers holding me, but they're too strong, and before I know it I'm strapped in to the black chair in the centre of the room.

The television starts up, and I can do nothing but watch, as Katniss appears on the screen again.

"You would have found me if you could," She says, and I notice the fear etched in her face.

"Yes. Look, if I don't make it back —" I begin.

"Don't talk like that. I didn't drain all that pus for nothing," She says.

"I know. But just in case I don't —" I try to continue.

"No, Peeta, I don't even want to discuss it," She says, placing her fingers on my lips to quiet me.

"But I —" I insist.

She leans forward and kissing me, stopping my words. It's almost like I can still feel her lips on mine, and I remember the warmth that had nothing to do with my fever flooding through me.

But my memory doesn't remain untainted for long. The red haired woman sticks another syringe in to my arm, causing me to gasp with pain.

_Hold on to Katniss, Peeta. Don't let them take her away from you_

But I can't hold on to her. Everyday I'm taken in to the same room, and everyday I'm shown different clips of me and Katniss. My mind starts to change, and she starts to change. I begin to doubt what's real and what's not. She's lied to me to many times, and I know that she can't be trusted. I know that I loved her once; I can tell that from all the clips they show me, but I know that I don't anymore.

Johanna talks to me often, but whenever the conversation turns to Katniss, I stop talking. My mind is in too much turmoil.

One day, when I'm resting by back against the cold stone, I hear two men talking outside.

"Do you hear what the President says?"

"About District 13? Yeah apparently the planes are flying out tonight."

One Peacekeeper lets out a whistle, like a bomb falling, "bye bye District 13, and so long to the Mockingjay!" he lets out a bark like laugh.

"Quiet! Mellark might hear you."

"So what if he does? The hijackings in full swing now, he barely knows his own name."

I remain staring blankly at the wall, not even caring what they say. And then the door bangs open.

"Come with us Mellark, you're on air for a special broadcast with President Snow."

It's a routine I should be used to by now. I sit blankly before the mirror, looking at the hollow wasteland of my face. I don't recognise myself at all anymore, where is the boy from the bakery, who would have done anything to save the life of the girl he loved? He's gone now, and I don't think he'll ever come back.

After my prep, I'm escorted in to a kind of studio. I'm greeted by President Snow, who tells me how precarious the situation is, and instructs me on what to tell the nation.

The President takes his place behind his podium, and I am told to sit in an elevated metal chair, beside a huge map of Panem.

"Three, two, one, action!" A mousy woman shouts from next to a monitor behind the cameras.

President Snow greets the nation, and I am introduced.

The foot of my prosthetic leg taps an irregular beat on the metal rung of the chair. I do exactly what President Snow told me to do, my mind numb and unfocused. But a ball of nervous tension builds in my stomach. I know that _she_ will probably be watching this, but she's gone now.

I talk in a frustrated tone about the need for the cease-fire. I highlight the damage done to key infrastructure in various districts, and as I speak, parts of the map light up, showing images of the destruction. A broken dam in 7. A derailed train with a pool of toxic waste spilling from the tank cars. A granary collapsing after a fire. All of these I attribute to rebel action, just as President Snow told me to say.

I hear a yell from behind the cameras, and I feel a jolt in my stomach as I look at the monitor. Katniss stands there, I can't hear what she's saying but she stands amongst the rubble of some destroyed District. Then I hear her say my name. A battle of emotions goes on inside me as I see her face. I know not to trust her, but something deep down inside me can't help it.

"District 13 are trying to break the system!" Somewhat shouts, "We've got it back now, carry on!"

I try to pick up my speech, by talking about the bombing of a water purification plant, but I don't get very far.

On the monitor I see Finnick Odair, as the Capitol attendants try desperately to regain control. I watch as different shots of Katniss appear on the screen, each time I see her face it feels like a punch in the stomach.

President Snow is livid, shouting furiously at the camera men and women, until eventually the monitor turns black, the Capitol seal back up accompanied by a black audio tone.

"Were back in President Snow!" The small mousy woman shouts.

The set is still in turmoil. Snow plows forward, saying that clearly the rebels are now attempting to disrupt the dissemination of information they find incriminating, but both truth and justice will reign. The full broadcast will resume when security has been reinstated.

"Peeta, given tonight's demonstration, do you have any parting thoughts for Katniss Everdeen." He asks me, and I see the furious glint in his eye.

The sound of her name awakes something inside of me. I remember the two Peacekeepers talking before hand, about the bombing. How district 13 will be destroyed. Katniss will be destroyed. A conversation I had with Haymitch a long time ago flits back to me. _We need to keep Katniss alive. _

My face contorts with effort as I say her name, "Katniss…how do you think this will end? What will be left? No one is safe. Not in the Capitol. Not in the districts. And you…in Thirteen…" I take a deep shuddering breath, I know that I'll be in for it, but I can't sit back and let all those people die, "Dead by morning!"

"End it!" The President shouts, and as I look over to the monitor I see Katniss once again.

Then a shuffle of boots, as a huge burly looking Peacekeeper advances on me, knocking the camera down on his way. He brings a metal baton smashing down on the side of my head, and let out a cry of pain, as my blood spatters the tiles.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

My flesh burns with pain, as I'm kicked and punched to within an inch of my life.

"You're going to regret saying that Mellark!" A voice growls at me. I already do regret saying it. I don't know why I did it, Katniss means nothing to me anymore, I don't care if she lives or dies. But when I saw her face, something stirred deep down inside me. A fierce protectiveness that burned intensely.

It feels like every single one of my nerves is aching, contorting with pain. My head is bleeding copiously; I can feel the warm liquid trickling across my forehead. Then it stops suddenly. Slowly I ease my eyes open, squinting at the vividness of the light reflecting off the white floor.

President Snow stands before me, his eyes wide with what can only be complete and utter rage. His usually calm and complacent voice shakes with anger as he speaks.

"Take him back downstairs, we'll think of an appropriate punishment for him in the morning."

There's no way that could move by myself, but the Peacekeepers seize me hard around the shoulders, lifting me clean off the ground.

Gasping for breath, I'm carried down along corridors and stairs. The nails of the Peacekeepers are digging in to my shoulder so sharply that I'm sure they've drawn blood. I don't care anymore though. They can do what they want to me, I stopped living properly a long time ago.

I hear a clang of metal, and I'm thrown on to the stone. I land straight on to my knees, and they explode in pain. I slump to the floor, and let out a piteous sound, half way between a moan and a sob. I just want to die. I want it to end.

"Peeta?"

The sudden noise makes me jump, irritating my already inflamed body. A gaunt face with sunken eyes, and hollow cheeks appears at the bars. Her head has been shaved, her face and arms covered in oozing scabs. Johanna gasps at the sight of me.

"What happened to you!" She hisses.

"I heard a couple of Peacekeepers saying that the Capitol was going to fire bomb District 13 tonight." I croak through a swollen mouth. "And I didn't care about it. Actually I suppose I was sort of glad. But the rebels managed to break in to the television system, and I saw her face. She said my name. I knew I couldn't let it happen."

"What did you do?" Says Johanna.

"I gave a warning to District 13, and now I'm paying the price for it." My head is aching, and I'm utterly confused. I know that Katniss is dangerous, and she's not to be trusted. Why then did I warn her? Why did I feel the need to protect her?

"When I saw her face, Johanna. I'd felt so dethatched from her up to that point. But I felt something stir inside me deep down. It was like that I knew I had to protect her." I say, with a furrowed brow.

Johanna reaches through and clasps my fingers in hers.

"That feeling you had when you saw Katniss, Peeta? Hold on to it, and don't let it go, not matter what." She says in a desperate whisper.

"It's already gone, Johanna." I whisper back. Her eyebrows contract and she releases my hand, disappearing back in to the shadowy darkness of her cell.

I'm exhausted, and gradually I fall in to an uneasy sleep. Katniss haunts my dreams, wandering in and out of my mind, flitting here and there like a bird.

When I wake up, my joints are so stiff I can barely move them. I just lie on the floor, staring at the grey bricks in the wall. Eventually the door opens and I'm collected by some more Peacekeepers, who take me again in to tiled room down the hall.

More videos of me and Katniss, more injections, and more confusion. It becomes relentless, happening every single day.

It must be about a week later. I'm sat in the chair watching yet another clip from my first Hunger Games.

I'm lying on the ground underneath a tree. I recognise Cato, Clove, Marvel, and a pale girl from District 4 lying on the floor near me. Glimmer stands against the tree, clearly asleep at her post. Katniss is high up in the tree, and I watch as she climbs higher towards, a brown oval shaped object that appears to be emitting a buzzing noise. As she reaches it, I see that it is a tracker jacker nest. With a knife she saws down the branch holding the nest, sending it crashing down on to us. Glimmer and the girl from District 4 are viciously attacked by the wasps, and die, while the rest of us run from the tree.

I remember the terror and pain of those stings. She killed Glimmer and the girl from 4 without a batting an eye lid. She would have done that to me. She tried to kill me. Katniss Everdeen tried to kill me. I start struggling against my restraints.

"How do you feel Peeta?" The woman with red hair asks.

"She tried to kill me!" I yell in fury, after all I'd warned her about District 13's fire bombing. I'd protected my own would be killer.

"Yes she did," the bald man says, "on more than one occasion, I think you'll find."

Hate surges through me. I don't think I've ever loathed anyone more than I loath Katniss Everdeen. She's already tried to kill me once, and no doubt she'll try again.

The next day, I'm taken back in to the same room, again. They inject something in to my arm, and show me another clip. I see the wolf mutts at the end of my first Hunger Games, and I remember the horror of seeing them. Katniss stands at the front of the pack, directing them forward, towards me. Is there nothing this girl won't stoop to? I realise just how dangerous she is, how ruthless. The way she could direct those mutts, almost like she was one of them herself…

On some days, they don't show me Hunger Games clips. Some days they show the propos Katniss has filmed over in District 13, which makes the hatred burn deeper inside me.

I stop wishing that I would die. I'm consumed by a new goal, to find Katniss Everdeen, and to kill her, like she would have killed me all those times.

One night Johanna is talking, but I'm not really listening. At least not until, I hear her say a name. "Katniss."

"Don't even mention that name to me Johanna," I spit at her.

"There was a time Peeta, when you would have done anything for Katniss, and I know that she will still do anything for you," Johanna says calmly.

"Stop lying to me!" I shout, "She's a mutt Johanna! She's a mutt who tried to kill me!"

"Oh Peeta," she says sadly, "What have they done to you?"

I ignore her. If she's defending Katniss, then she's clearly not on my side. She obviously can't be trusted either.

More days pass, and the more certain I become of the fact that Katniss is a mutt. I don't see how anything so lethal and dangerous could be naturally made. She can't be human, she's too poisonous.

I'm sitting in my cell that night, when I hear a sudden yell from outside.

"Presidents orders! It's been bombed, come on!" I hear the heavy thud of footsteps outside the door, and then silence. I settle back against the wall, thinking nothing of it. Until I see the light behind my door suddenly go out.

"Johanna?" I say in a harsh whisper. Ally or not, she may know something that I don't.

"I don't know what's happening," She says worriedly, "but something's not right, I can feel it."

I hear a hissing sound, and I look up to see a white fog, issuing from an air vent in the far right corner.

I scramble to my feet, panic flooding my veins. I run to the door, pounding on the metal.

"Let me out!" I shriek, "Let me out!" The gas has filled the cell now, and I put my hand up to cover my nose and mouth.

I've already breathed some of it in though. My eye lids start to droop, and I feel light headed. Before I know I collapse unconscious on the floor.

"He's a bit thin, but I don't think that there'll be any lasting injuries." I hear a voice say, and then I feel a pair of hands on my head.

"A bit of minor bruising but it doesn't look like there'll be any internal damage," Another voice says.

My head is aching, and my throat feels raw. With what seems like a huge effort, I open my eyes.

I'm lying in some kind of hospital, bright strip lighting illuminating the whiteness of the floor. Two women and a man all dressed in white coats, stand before me.

"Peeta, you're in District 13," a blonde woman says as she checks my pulse.

"You were rescued by the rebels last night, but you're safe now," the man says with a smile. "How do you feel?" He adds.

I blink bewildered, confusion setting it. I sit up in bed, and look across the room. That's when I see her. Making her way towards me, an inexplicable smile on her face. Why is she here? Has she come to finish me off? Well I'm not going to give her the chance. One thought consumes my entire being, filling me with deep intense loathing. Kill Katniss Everdeen.

Leap out of bed, and push the doctors aside. She starts running towards me, her arms outstretched. I raise my own arms, flexing my fingers.

I can see that her lips are just forming my name, as my hands lock tightly around her throat.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"No! Peeta stop!" Someone shouts, but I only tighten my grip. She's slowly turning purple, her eyes bulging hideously. I get a grim sense of satisfaction, before I feel a sharp blow on the back of my head, and I lose consciousness.

I sleep deeply, but by no means peacefully. I'm forced in to dark cramped spaces, barely able to breath, but unable to wake up. Lavinia and Darius, scream in black corners. Those guttural animal like sounds echoing in my ears.

By the time I come round again, I'm lying on a bed, my arms strapped down. I'm reminded horribly of how I was strapped down in the Capitol when I was tortured, and I start to struggle against the restraints, thinking that I'm back in that torture room. My head throbs, and I can feel a large egg sized lump on the side of it.

"Peeta," The blonde woman in the white coat says, "Peeta stop, your safe now."

I stop and look around me, trying to get my bearings. I'm lying in a small, very clean, sterile room. To the right side of the iron bedstead, is a little table, and on the wall next to it sits a huge mirror.

"Where is she!" I shout. I'm more worried that she's not in my sight. It's like when you see a large insect crawling up the wall, and by the time you find an object to crush it with, it vanishes. It could be anywhere, lurking in a dark corner ready to pounce and bite.

"You're safe now Peeta," The woman repeats, "no one is going to hurt you."

"Where am I?" I ask, and the fear in my voice is easily detectable.

"You're in District 13 now; the rebels launched an offensive to get you out of the Capitol. You were rescued last night. My names Dr Callidus, and I'll be looking after you." She says in a calm monotonous voice. Something about her voice has a calming effect on me.

"Why aren't I in 12?" I say. The Doctor shoots a worried look over her shoulder at the mirror.

She picks up a clipboard, as though determined not to meet my eyes. "I'm afraid there was a fire in District 12 Peeta. It's too badly damaged to go back too."

It feels like a bucket of ice has been dropped in to my stomach. What does she mean too badly damaged?

"What do you mea—" I begin, starting to get angry that my questions aren't being answered properly.

But at that moment, the door flies open, and I remember how the same thing used to happen to my cell door in the Capitol. I'd then be dragged back through it to face any number of hideous tortures. But instead of Peacekeepers coming in and seizing me, two more doctors enter the room.

"Peeta, you've been through a terrible ordeal, you really need some rest." One of them says.

"No!" I shout, "I want answers!"

Some one sticks something sharp in to the side of my neck, and the room fades to blackness.

Is this how my life is going to be from now on? Forced to be on the look out for Katniss Everdeen at every turn, and constantly put in to drug induced comas? At least in the Capitol, I was safe from her. Here I don't know where she could be hiding, ready to strike at any moment.

Some one shakes my shoulder, and I awake to see Dr Callidus, and another man standing over me.

"Hello Peeta," The man says, "I'm Dr Aurelius." I continue to stare blankly at him, "Myself and Dr Callidus will be working closely with you for a while."

"Why? There's nothing wrong with me," I say confused. They ignore me though, moving closer towards the door.

"We've brought someone to see you Peeta," he says.

"My family?" I ask, wondering why they hadn't been to see me before now.

The door opposite my bed opens, and a pale girl, with long yellow blonde hair walks through, as the two doctors walk out. I look at her carefully, I know that I've seen her somewhere before.

"Peeta? It's Delly. From home." The girl says.

"Delly?" Of course, Delly Cartwright, her parents owned the shoe shop across the square from the bakery. It such a relief to see a friendly face from home. "Delly. It's you."

"Yes!" Her face breaking in to a smile, "How do you feel?"

"Awful. Where are we? What's happened?" I ask

"Well…we're in District Thirteen. We live here now," says Delly.

"That's what those people have been saying. But it makes no sense. Why aren't we home?" I say.

Delly bites her lip. "There was…an accident. I miss home badly, too. I was only just thinking about those chalk drawings we used to do on the paving stones. Yours were so wonderful. Remember when you made each one a different animal?"

"Yeah. Pigs and cats and things," I say, not really caring about this brief childhood memory, "You said…about an accident?"

"It was bad. No one…could stay," she says haltingly. "But I know you're going to like it here, Peeta. The people have been really nice to us. There's always food and clean clothes, and school's much more interesting," says Delly.

"Why hasn't my family come to see me?" I ask.

"They can't." She says, and I see that Delly's eyes have filled with tears, "A lot of people didn't get out of Twelve. So we'll need to make a new life here. I'm sure they could use a good baker. Do you remember when your father used to let us make dough girls and boys?"

I can see them now. My father sitting at the head of the table reading a book, my mother busy scolding my older brothers. Robus grinning sheepishly at my eldest brother Sol, as they both try hard not to laugh at my mothers shouts. All gone, and never coming back.

"There was a fire," I say suddenly, remembering what the doctor said.

"Yes," she whispers, as sheen of sweat has appeared on her face, and she looks plain terrified.

"Twelve burned down, didn't it? Because of her," I say anger burning up inside me. She killed my entire family, and she tried to kill me. "Because of Katniss!" I need to get out, to find Katniss Everdeen and to kill her for what she's done to me. I desperately pull on the restraints holding me down.

"Oh, no, Peeta. It wasn't her fault," says Delly.

"Did she tell you that?" I hiss at her.

"She didn't have to. I was—" Delly begins.

"Because she's lying! She's a liar! You can't believe anything she says! She's some kind of mutt the Capitol created to use against the rest of us!" I shout furiously.

"No, Peeta. She's not a—" Delly tries again.

"Don't trust her, Delly," I say frantically. I've lost so much already, I can't let sweet kind Delly be poisoned by Katniss Everdeen. "I did, and she tried to kill me. She killed my friends. My family. Don't even go near her! She's a mutt!"

I barely notice as the door opens and Delly is pulled out. I'm too consumed by fury and grief. "A mutt! She's a stinking mutt!" I continue to shout, until someone jabs a needle in my arm, and I lose consciousness once again.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Instead of the daily threat of pain, and torture, my life has become one never-ending medical consultation. I stay in the hospital room all day, only allowed to leave it to use the bathroom, and wash. Even then I'm always escorted by a District 13 medic of some sort. They don't know how dangerous Katniss Everdeen is. At first I thought that the constant onslaught of unwanted companions was to protect me from her, but after overhearing a conversation one day, I realised that they seem to want to keep her and others safe from me.

I lost my temper after I heard that, and in the end they had to sedate me.

I know that I'm being watched. That mirror seems a bit too conveniently placed, and sometimes when Dr Aurelius or Callidus are in the room with me, they shoot glances in to the glass, when they think I'm not looking.

For weeks it continues. They talk to me about her, trying to convince me that she's not a mutt, that she isn't out to get me. It's all lies though. Every single word of it.

"Tell the truth!" I shout in Dr Aurelius's face one day.

"We are telling the truth Peeta!" He says exasperatedly, and I can tell that he's about to lose his temper, "We've been through this. The Capitol has been psychologically manipulating you, in to believing that Katniss is a different person to the one you knew."

My arms have been taken out of my restraints, and I press my hands tight over my ears, shouting at the top of my lungs.

_You have to fight it Peeta, don't give the bastards the satisfaction. _Sometimes I get brief flashes of memory that come back to me. It's almost always nonsensical and I have no idea what to make of it.I remember Johanna Mason telling me that when we were being kept in the Capitol. The trouble is I don't even know what I'm meant to be fighting. Every instinct in my body is telling me Katniss. But after being told completely conflicting things for the past two weeks, my brain aches with confusion, and anger.

I run my fingers through my hair, making it stand on end. "She killed my family, and she tried to kill me." I say through gritted teeth, my eyes streaming with tears. I look up, only to find that Dr Aurelius has gone.

Tentatively I climb out of bed, my bare feet on the cold stone tiles. My District 13 standard issue white hospital paper like pyjamas are good three inches two short for me. I hate wearing them, they make me feel like I'm some kind of invalid, not even allowed proper clothes. With four strides I'm at the door. I reach out and turn the handle, only to find that the door is locked tight.

Frustrated I punch the wall in anger, causing my knuckles to erupt in pain. I slam my palm against the door, and I kick out it, my bare foot colliding with the smooth white metal. My foot throbbing, I hobble back to the bed, starring out at the door.

I want to get out of here. To feel the air on my face, to maybe even feel the rain on my skin. I've been stuck looking at these four walls for what seems like an eternity.

Eventually I give up on any hope of the door opening to allow me out, and just lie on my side, making the pillow damp with my tears, my body shuddering with sobs. I don't even know why I'm crying, just something inside my head makes me feel so heavy and sad inside.

A few days later, I awake to find Dr Callidus, and Aurelius standing at the foot of my bed. Behind is a television set, balanced on a grey trolley.

"Peeta, please keep calm." Dr Callidus says. "We're just going to show you a few short clips to see how you react. Myself and Dr Aurelius will be here the entire time."

I look at her face for a few seconds. Without warning my arms are strapped down again. Immediately I start to struggle against it, I hate the feeling of them; it makes me feel even less in control of myself than I already am. Dr Callidus lays a hand on my shoulder.

"Please Peeta, we're trying to help you." She says.

The television flickers in to life, and I see myself on screen.

"No," I say. My face is cast in shadow, and even though the scene is dark, I can see that I'm lying down on what must be a stone floor. I can easily see the misery and sadness on my features, that I'm obviously working hard to mask. "Thank you. Wait, yes. Tell me a story."

"A story? What about?" I start to kick out, terror surging through me. It's her.

"No!" I shout, "Stop!" but seconds later I feel a prick in my left arm. At first I think that they are trying to sedate me again, but the feelings different. Instead of the world fading in to darkness, the room takes on an odd almost hazy quality. I instantly feel relaxed, my muscles loosening, and I stop trying to break free from the restraints.

I flop back on to the pillows, and carry on watching the television screen. I feel calmer than I've felt in months, years maybe.

She tells me about how she sold an old locket of her mothers, desperate to get enough money together to get Prim a birthday present. She went to the market in the square, looking for a hairbrush, or some material for a dress, when she saw the heard of goats. She says how there was one who'd obviously been mauled by a dog or something. Lying down in a cart, flies attacking the wound. She knew that her mother and Prim were the only ones who could help her. She got in to a bidding war with the goat man, eventually buying her. She says how she bought a pink ribbon to tie around its neck, and Gale carried her home for Prim. Prim was so excited she started crying and laughing all at once. Her mother was less sure, seeing the injury, but the pair of them went to work on it, grinding up herbs and coaxing brews down the animal's throat.

"They sound like you," I say.

"Oh, no, Peeta. They work magic. That thing couldn't have died if it tried," She says, falling immediately silent afterwards.

"Don't worry. I'm not trying," I say jokingly. I look so different. I'm pale, and scarily thin, but my expression is soft. I look almost happy. "Finish the story."

"Well, that's it. Only I remember that night, Prim insisted on sleeping with Lady on a blanket next to the fire. And just before they drifted off, the goat licked her cheek, like it was giving her a good night kiss or something," She says. "It was already mad about her."

"Was it still wearing the pink ribbon?" I ask

"I think so," She says. "Why?"

"I'm just trying to get a picture," I say thoughtfully.

The screen goes blank, and I lie there in a confused stupor. Katniss Everdeen never told me anything about her sisters goat. But she must have done, it's on television clear as day.

"Peeta?" Someone asks, but I ignore them.

I try to run through the scenario in my mind. Katniss Everdeen has tried to kill me on many occasions. This scene has just thrown everything up in the air. I don't know whether I remember it or not. I remember things that happened in that cave, how Katniss threatened me, injured me, and tried to put an end to my life.

I'm completely overcome by confusion, my brow furrowed. It doesn't make any sense. Katniss Everdeen is a murderer, that fact has been firmly established. Why then did she tell me a story about her sister's birthday?

The misery on my face at the start of the clip was obvious, but I really don't know why. Was it because I knew what Katniss Everdeen would do to me eventually? Or because of something else? Why did I look so content at the end then?

My eyes have become unfocused, but I can see the blurry outline of the two Doctor's, now in sitting positions at the end of the room. I still ignore them though, trying to make some kind of sense, of the turmoil happening inside my head.

Hours pass, and still I stay stuck in this kind of weird hazy world, unable to break out of it. A million questions float around my brain, but in the end I only manage to get one of my mouth.

"What happened to the goat?" I ask, snapping out of my reverie.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

The days keep slowly passing, and I remain in my sterile white prison. Dr Aurelius, and Dr Callidus come and go, making notes on their clip board. I didn't think it was humanly possible for a person to be so confused. It does things to me, sometimes I'll be completely in control of myself and my actions, but at other times it's like a white fog has descended on my brain, and I have no idea who I even am.

On some days the television is wheeled in, and I watch brief clips of me and Katniss Everdeen. It's mostly on those days that the white fog takes over.

I'm forced to watch as Katniss Everdeen drops a nest of tracker jackers on top of me, and the others. It only confirms my thoughts of how she tried to kill me. But then I shudder uncontrollably as I watch myself locked in a tight embrace with Katniss Everdeen. My lips pressed against hers. The worst part of it is that I can see the love imprinted deep within my eyes. The kissing doesn't seem particularly genuine on her part though, again confirming my suspicions that she frequently double crossed me.

"Peeta?"

"What!" I snap back.

Dr Aurelius sits in a metal chair beside my bed.

"What are you thinking?" He says coldly.

"I'm thinking of how angry I get when you keep asking me that question!" I shout. I don't want to talk. I don't even want to think. The Doctor leaves and once more I'm left by myself, silently sobbing in to the thin fabric of the pillows. Sometimes I wander why they even bother.

The next day is the same. Right on cue the television is wheeled in, and they switch it on. Katniss Everdeen stands in a forest clearing, beside a clear blue lake. I can hear the mockingjays singing in a simple harmony. I hunch over on the bed, and I press my palms hard on to my eyes, until tiny white lights pop before them. I don't want to look her, whenever I do the white fog envelopes me, and I loose myself completely.

_Are you, Are you  
Coming to the tree  
Where they strung up a man they say murdered three  
Strange things did happen here  
No stranger would it be  
If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree_

I sit up straight, letting my hands fall to the bed, with a soft thump. I can't believe that something so vicious, and so deadly, could sound so intensely beautiful. My mouth drops open, and I stare fixatedly at the screen. I wait for the fog to come, but this time it doesn't.

_Are you, Are you  
Coming to the tree  
Where the dead man called out for his love to flee  
Strange things did happen here  
No stranger would it be_  
_If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree'_

The song is hauntingly beautiful, and goose bumps erupt on my arms. It takes a moment for me to realise that every bird in the forest has fallen completely silent.

_Are you, Are you  
Coming to the tree  
Where I told you to run, so we'd both be free  
Strange things did happen here_  
_No stranger would it be  
If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree._

Beautiful it may be, but the song has a very eerie edge to it. It's almost like I forget that she is singing it, the music takes on its own form.

_Are you, Are you  
Coming to the tree  
Wear a necklace of rope, side by side with me.  
Strange things did happen here,  
No stranger would it be,  
If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree._

She sighs and leans her back against a nearby tree. A man stands near her, tears streaming down his face. I know how he feels.

The mockingjays then begin their rendition of 'The Hanging Tree,' beautiful harmonies overlapping each other, creating one of the most striking sounds I've ever heard.

The screen cuts to blackness. Something surges up inside me, and memory struggling to make its way to the forefront of my mind. I recognise the song.

"The song," I say softly voicing my thoughts out loud. "I recognise it."

I see Dr Aurelius, and Dr Callidus exchange brief glances, before turning back to me.

"Where do you recognise it from Peeta? Did Katniss ever sing it to you?" Says Dr Callidus.

I flinch at the sound of her name, and I frown at my knees. "Not from her, no." I say stiffly. It must have been about ten years ago now.

"How then?" Dr Callidus says gently, moving closer to me. In my minds eye, I see the dull wooden floor of my families bakery, my father moving swiftly across them to help a customer. A tall muscular man, with dark hair and piercing grey eyes, stands on the other side of the counter.

"It must have been about ten years ago," I say quietly. "I was in the bakery with my father." I swallow hard. Thinking about my family is painful, but my memories of them are all I have now, so I cling to them.

"A man came in," I continue, "He sang that song, and I swear that every bird outside the window fell silent. I was listening especially for it."

"And why were you listening for it?" Dr Callidus says.

"I remember my father mentioning it. Because the man was Katniss Everdeen's father." I whisper.

I look up to find Dr Aurelius scribbling furiously on his clipboard, and Dr Callidus starring wide eyed at me.

"Is there anything else you remember?" She says.

"No!" I shout it aggressively, but I don't mean to. The word leaves me before I have a chance to keep any control over it. The words of the song keep repeating themselves over and over again, in that same clear ringing voice.

_Are you, Are you coming to the tree. _

"No," I repeat, much calmer, "There isn't anything else."

_Wear a necklace of rope, side by side with me._

__The room has turned quiet, the scratching sound of pencil on paper the only thing cutting in to the silence. Then Dr Callidus reaches out, and pats my shoulder. I recoil at the sudden physical contact, and I squeeze my eyes tightly shut against the glare of the strip lighting.

_Strange things did happen here, no stranger would it be,  
_

"You've done fantastically today Peeta, well done." She says, before they all turn and leave.

I don't feel like I've done fantastically. My eyes sting with tiredness, and my head feels like it's buzzing. I scrub my hand over my face, trying to make some sense of my thoughts. I feel absolutely exhausted, and all I want to do is lie down and go straight to sleep. But I don't, I force myself to stay focused.

_If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree._

I let out a sharp intake of breath. As though cutting its way through thick thorny undergrowth, another memory makes its way back to me. Heavy rain thrashing down on to the scrawny tree in my back garden, the flicker of flames, the sharp pain of my mother hitting me. Katniss Everdeen slumped on the floor, painfully thin.

I remember the bread.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

I don't tell anyone else about the sudden emergence of this memory. I don't think that I could bare the looks that they would give me. For one thing, I'm not sure if it's even real. She didn't look remotely like a mutt, she looked scared and ill. I threw her the bread, meaning that I must have cared about her. Maybe even loved her?

These thoughts torment me for days, sometimes tipping me completely over the edge, and they have to sedate me.

I find myself longing to know about the world outside this room. The people who are going about their daily business. I wonder how Johanna is doing. Has she recovered from her time spent in the underground Capitol dungeon? Or is she being kept like me?

"What's happening out there?" I say one day, jerking my head towards the door.

"Out where Peeta?" Says Dr Callidus looking up from her clipboard.

"_There_," I say pointing at the door, "in the rest of District 13."

"Oh," Says Dr Callidus setting her clipboard down at the foot of my bed. "Well everyone's very busy trying to prepare for the wedding."

I sit straight up in bed, starring avidly at her. "Wedding? What wedding? Whose?"

"Finnick Odair, and Annie Cresta. Plans are already well under way; I think Mr Heavensbee hopes the event to take place in about a week." She says.

Why does no one ever tell me anything? Frustration and anger surges through me, but I manage to control it. One thought swims in to focus, helping me keep a hold on myself.

"I want to make their wedding cake." I say suddenly.

Dr Callidus gives me a sad look, and shakes her head. "I'm sorry Peeta, I don't think that'll be poss—" she says before I interrupt her.

"Please Dr Callidus," I say imploringly. "I really want to do this." I remain starring at her, and eventually she wavers.

"Alright," She says with a deep sigh. "I'll see what I can do, but I'm not promising anything."

She turns to leave, before I stop her again. "Can I some paper, and a pencil?"

She carefully extricates the top few sheets from her clipboard, and hands it to me, along with a pencil.

I spend hours sketching, and re-sketching different wedding cake designs. It gives me focus, and for the first time in many many weeks, I fall in to a deep dreamless sleep.

I'm awoken the next morning by Dr Callidus gently shaking my shoulder.

"You're good to go Peeta." She says with a smile. "You'll have access to the kitchen only, and you'll be under strict watch, but you've been granted special permission."

For the first time in months, I actually smile. The muscles in my face feel stiff, as if they've forgotten how to work. "Thank you," I say quietly.

The next day, I wash, and am given a new pair of white hospital pyjamas to put on. Once I've put on the white rubber soled slippers, I'm escorted out of my sterile room, and in to the depths of District 13.

I'm reminded horribly of the times when I was dragged through the building in the Capitol. A maze of grey corridors, and all the while two armed guards flanking me on either side. The few people that I see on the way, all where the same drab grey clothes, and eye me with a look of intense interest.

I'm not doing this for Finnick. I'm doing it for myself. Finnick may have saved my life, but he did purely for the rebellion, and Katniss Everdeen. I don't owe him anything.

The kitchen of District 13 is huge, rows and rows of ovens, and steel work surfaces. I settle myself in one corner, and accompanied by my sketches I set to work.

On the second day, I turn to find a girl standing in the doorway. A pale girl, with a pasty face, and long yellowy blonde hair.

"Hello Delly," I say softly.

"Peeta," She says, her face breaking in to a huge smile, "How are you?"

I shrug, "I've been better."

"It's looking amazing Peeta," She says after a short pause, gesturing at the cake. I have to say I myself am very pleased with it. I haven't started to ice it yet, but even the golden sponge looks so colourful compared to the grey drabness of everything else here.

"Thanks Delly," I say. After another few moments of silence I speak again. "Why didn't you come and visit me again Delly?" I say quickly. Delly is the one connection I have to home, and one of the few people who I have good memories with. Delly looks slightly taken aback.

"I didn't think you'd want to see me," She says looking at her feet, and I detect a note of pain in her voice. "You kind of started shouting last time, and I thought it best if I left you alone."

"I wish you would come and see me, Delly." I say.

She shoots a slightly frightened look at the guards flanking the door, before smiling widely at me again.

"I will then Peeta," She says, "I promise I'll come and visit you."

"Thanks," I reply. She reaches forward and grasps my hand.

"I have to go now, keep up the good work though." She says gesturing at the cake again.

"Bye Delly," and I turn back towards the cake, picking up a bowl to start making the icing.

I remember standing in District 4 myself, waiting on the browny-yellow sand, looking out at the green waves topped with white foam. It's this scene that I try to create, softly whipping the tinted green icing, trying to re-create the wild nature of a stormy sea.

And while I'm working on the cake, it's almost like I'm transported back, to a sunny morning in the bakery of District 12. I'd always sit in the little room behind the main shop, the back door open casting rays of sunshine on to the polished wood of the table. A tray of cakes before me, and piping bag in hand, I'd work until the afternoon.

Another day passes, and the cake really begins to take shape. I've just finished an array of red sugar sea flowers, when I hear someone clear their throat behind me. I turn around to find Haymitch Abernathy standing awkwardly in the doorway.

"What are you doing here," I say frostily. I'd forgotten about Haymitch during the past week, but now all the anger and frustration at him comes back in full force.

"I wanted to come and see how you were," He says in a slightly hoarse voice.

I laugh coldly, "Well Haymitch, I didn't think you much cared."

"You've got every right to be angry with me—" he begins, but I interrupt him.

"Angry? Of course I'm angry!" My voice is rising, and I'm absolutely furious, but I manage to keep control of myself, and not descend in to the white fog. Nevertheless the guards at the door stiffen slightly. Haymitch just stands there looking warily at me. "You lied to me," I say slightly quieter.

"Yes," He says. "I did, and you have no idea how much I torture myself over it."

"No as much as me I bet." I say coolly. "If you'd just told me about the rebel plan, then I would never have been kept for weeks in that prison. Forced to watch people be beaten and tortured."

"I know Peeta, and I'm so sorry."

"Sometimes sorry just isn't good enough Haymitch!" I say flaring up again.

He takes a step back, holding both of his hands up in defeat. "I know."

I stand there, breathing deeply for about a minute before he speaks again. "I think I'd better go now Peeta. The cake looks brilliant by the way." He walks away, head bent towards the floor.

"Haymitch?" I say quietly, and he turns around at the door. "I want to see her. I want to see Katniss."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

The words are out of my mouth before I even know what I'm saying. Haymitch regards me with such an intense stare it feels like he's looking right through me. It grey eyes are suddenly hard, and incredibly focused.

"Are you sure?" He says quietly. My throat has become dry, I swallow and nod.

"Yes," I croak.

He gives me another long look. "I'll see what I can do." He says, before turning away and leaving.

I take a deep sigh, before returning to the cake. Finnick and Annie's wedding will take place this afternoon, and it needs to be perfect.

An hour and a half later I'm finally finished, and I stand back to admire my work. Blue-green, white-tipped icing waves swimming with fish and sailboats, seals and sea flowers. I have to say that I am pleased with the final result, and doing it made me almost feel like myself again.

I don't get much time to look at my creation however, because after a minute or two, I'm escorted back down to the hospital by the armed guards.

Dr Aurelius is waiting for me when I get back to my room. "Ah Peeta, how do you feel?"

This question doesn't fill me with the anger and frustration that it usually does. In fact, I actually give Dr Aurelius a small smile, before saying "I feel better, thank you. Much calmer."

"Good," he says, and he leaves the room without another word.

I suppose that I must sleep, because before I know it, I'm being shaken awake by Dr Callidus.

"What's happening?" I ask, confused.

"I hear you told Mr Abernathy that you wanted to see Katniss Everdeen?" She says quietly. I nod.

"Well she's coming down now," She says A knot of nervous tension suddenly builds up in my stomach. Am I really ready to see her? I guess it's too late to pull out now. "but I'm afraid that there will have to be certain conditions," She continues.

The conditions are that my arms a tied down with about three restraining belts, and my left arm is attached to a drip, ready to dispense a load of drugs to knock me out in seconds, should I lose control. I don't intend to give them a reason to use it if I can help it.

The door opens, and a girl who is much smaller in reality than in my thoughts steps in to the room. Her eyes are just like Haymitch's hard, grey, with an intense look in the depths of them. She moves forward, until she's about a yard away from my bed. I look at her warily, I may not be fighting to get away from her, but I'm still not convinced that she isn't a mutt.

"Hey." She says, and it's difficult to believe someone whose voice is so normal could sing so beautifully.

"Hey," I reply. My voice comes out soft, but the edge of suspicion and reproach is easily detectable.

"Haymitch said you wanted to talk to me," She says.

"Look at you, for starters." I stare at her frame intensely. The amount of times I've seen this girl transform in to a hybrid drooling wolf, and rip me to shreds. Looking at her now is unnerving, but seeing her in the flesh, makes the images of the wolves depart. She looks human. She keeps shooting furtive glances at the mirror on the wall, and I know that they're behind there, making notes on their clipboards, and watching us. "You're not very big, are you?" I say finally "Or particularly pretty?"

"Well, you've looked better." She says harshly.

I let out a derisive laugh, "And not even remotely nice. To say that to me after all I've been through."

"Yeah. We've all been through a lot. And you're the one who was known for being nice. Not me." She looks down at her feet, like she's suddenly ashamed of herself. Or is she? She's so hard to read. "Look, I don't feel so well. Maybe I'll drop by tomorrow." She says turning away from me.

She's just reached the door, when I speak again.

"Katniss. I remember about the bread."

She freezes, her hand still on the door handle. Slowly she turns around, a line appearing between her brows. Her eyes wary.

"They showed you the tape of me talking about it," She says.

"No. Is there a tape of you talking about it? Why didn't the Capitol use it against me?" I ask.

"I made it the day you were rescued," She answers. Now she looks like she's in pain, or that she's about to burst in to tears. "So what do you remember?"

"You. In the rain," I say softly. "Digging in our trash bins. Burning the bread. My mother hitting me. Taking the bread out for the pig but then giving it to you instead."

"That's it. That's what happened," I say. "The next day, after school, I wanted to thank you. But I didn't know how."

"We were outside at the end of the day. I tried to catch your eye. You looked away. And then…for some reason, I think you picked a dandelion." I say, and she nods. I swallow hard "I must have loved you a lot."

I've kept these thoughts to myself for days, and as much at feels good to get them off my chest, a feeling of unrequited sadness settles in my chest.

"You did." She says, and her voice catches. She covers it with a cough, but it's too late I've already heard it.

"And did you love me?" I ask, my heart thumping in my chest. This was the question that I was really burning to ask. I don't know what to think after watching all those old Hunger Games clips. The only straight answer I'm going to get will have to come from Katniss herself.

She doesn't meet my eyes, keeping hers firmly fixed on the tiles floor. "Everyone says I did. Everyone says that's why Snow had you tortured. To break me."

"That's not an answer," I say, suddenly willing for her to look me in the eye. "I don't know what to think when they show me some of the tapes. In that first arena, it looked like you tried to kill me with those tracker jackers."

"I was trying to kill all of you," she replies. "You had me treed."

"Later, there's a lot of kissing. Didn't seem very genuine on your part. Did you like kissing me?" I ask, trying to ignore her last comment.

"Sometimes," She admits. "You know people are watching us now?"

"I know. What about Gale?" I ask. His name has been running in my mind for a while now. I remember that before I used to hate him, because of her. Now I don't know what to think.

"He's not a bad kisser either," She says shortly, locking her eyes on mine.

"And it was okay with both of us? You kissing the other?" I ask.

"No. It wasn't okay with either of you. But I wasn't asking your permission," She tells me.

I give another cold dismissive laugh. She really is unbelievable. "Well, you're a piece of work, aren't you?"

I seem to have touched a nerve, because she doesn't even spare a second to throw me a look of contempt. She just turns, wrenches open then door, and slams it hard behind her.

I may have loved Katniss Everdeen once, but now I see her for what she really is. Violent. Distrustful. Manipulative. Deadly.


	13. Chapter 13

**So sorry for how slow this last update has been in coming. It was due to a combination of a huge amount of coursework deadlines, and a rather horrible case of writer's block, so I apologise in advance for how bad this next chapter is! Thank you so much to everyone for reading :) **

Chapter 13

"I don't think it's going to work out. Winning . . . won't help in my case," I say slowly.

"Why ever not?" says Caesar, perplexed.

I blush uncontrollably, and I manage to stammer out, "Because . . . because . . . she came here with me."

"Stop!" I shout at Dr Aurelius, "Please just stop." I almost start sobbing. The screen goes black.

"What's wrong Peeta?" Says Dr Aurelius.

"I don't want to watch anymore!" I shout. Watching these clips only add to my inner turmoil. They confirm that at one period in my life, I did love Katniss Everdeen. And I hate myself for it.

"Okay," Dr Aurelius says in an exasperated voice, "I think we'll leave it there for today." He leaves, and I'm left lying on my bed, breathing deep shaky breaths. I press my hands over my eyes, pushing with such force, that tiny white lights pop before them.

I seem to be entering in to a vicious cycle. Everyday Dr Aurelius or Dr Callidus comes in. They show me several clips of me and Katniss Everdeen. I shout at them to stop.

The only person to break up this monotony is Delly, who keeps to her word and visits me several times a week. It's nice having her there, and having a person who I actually share memories with. It's about two weeks after my meeting with Katniss Everdeen, and me and Delly are sitting on my bed, playing cards. She looks shyly in to my face, before speaking.

"Was it really awful in the Capitol Peeta?" She almost whispers. I look up at her sharply, and she looks away, embarrassed.

"You have no idea." I begin, and she looks up, her cheeks flushed red. "It's like a nightmare that you can never wake up from. You're just trapped, waiting for the next torture session." I say darkly. Delly's eyes have filled with tears.

"I would never have asked, but it's just, Peeta I want to know what's going on inside that head of yours." She says apologetically, wiping the tears off her cheeks. "I know that Katniss was going out of her mind, thinking about what they were doing to you."

"Yeah I bet she wishes she was there. Just so she could have helped the Peacekeepers deliver the death blow." I say angrily. Delly shakes her head sadly.

"Peeta she loved you so much. It's killing her seeing what they've done to you." She says.

"What about Gale then?" I ask roughly. Ever since that night where I spoke to Katniss Everdeen, I've been thinking about Gale too. I can't explain the emotion.

"Well I don't really know what's happening there," She says quietly.

I give a harsh bark of a laugh, "Yeah I bet you don't." I say shortly. "Listen I'm tired, I think you should go now."

I see the hurt in Delly's eyes, and I instantly feel guilty. I manage to push it aside though, and give her a hard look, until she's packed away the cards, and walked out of the door.

I slump back on my bed, and stare at the ceiling. It feel like I've got a permanent knot of nervous tension nestled in my stomach, and my head feels like it's buzzing. These past few nights I've been getting snatches of memory. Late nights on a silver streamlined train speeding through the country. Katniss Everdeen lying asleep on a huge bed, my arms wrapped tight around her…

The thoughts torment me, and I have no idea whether to believe them or not. Sometimes when these thoughts surface, I go completely off my head, yelling and screaming, until they have to sedate me. Other times I manage to keep control.

The next evening there's a knock on the door, and Dr Callidus walks in. I don't know why they even bother knocking, it's not like I have the power to refuse them entry.

"We're going to let you eat in the dining hall with the rest of District 13 today Peeta." Dr Callidus explains, "But you're not to sit with anyone without their permission, you'll be accompanied by two guards at all time."

Honestly I'm very surprised. Apart from going out to make Finnick and Annie's wedding cake, I haven't been allowed out of the hospital at all. Why the sudden change?

Turns out those aren't the only two conditions. My wrists are locked together with a pair of silver handcuffs, before I'm led down the many corridors of District 13, and in to the dining room.

I go to the counter and collect a tray of food, having to balance it precariously on my fingers because of the handcuffs. I look around the dining hall, and spot Delly at a table in the corner. Still closely flanked by the two guards, I make my way over to it. It's only when I get closer to the table that I see who else is sitting at it. Her face turns pale, and her mouth drops open, as Katniss Everdeen sees me standing behind the empty seat beside Johanna.

"Peeta!" says Delly, spotting me. "It's so nice to see you out…and about."

"What's with the fancy bracelets?" asks Johanna.

"I'm not quite trustworthy yet," I explain sarcastically. "I can't even sit here without your permission." And I indicate the two guards with my head.

"Sure he can sit here. We're old friends," says Johanna, patting the space beside her. The guards nod and I take a seat. "Peeta and I had adjoining cells in the Capitol. We're very familiar with each other's screams."

I hear a small noise like a mouse's squeak on the other side of the table, and I look up to see Annie, her eyes wide, and her hands pressed over her ears. Finnick shoots Johanna an angry look as his arm encircles Annie.

"What? My head doctor says I'm not supposed to censor my thoughts. It's part of my therapy," replies Johanna.

An awkwardness arises among the group, not helped by me sitting there, trying to eat the beef stew in handcuffs. Finnick murmurs things to Annie until she slowly removes her hands. Then there's a long silence while people pretend to eat. I snatch glances over at Annie, and I feel a slight connection with her. We've both been tormented and played with by the Capitol.

"Annie," says Delly brightly in an attempt to dispel the tension, "did you know it was Peeta who decorated your wedding cake? Back home, his family ran the bakery and he did all the icing."

Annie cautiously looks across Johanna. "Thank you, Peeta. It was beautiful."

"My pleasure, Annie," I say in a soft gentle voice.

"If we're going to fit in that walk, we better go," Finnick tells her. He arranges both of their trays so he can carry them in one hand while holding tightly to her with the other. "Good seeing you, Peeta."

"You be nice to her, Finnick. Or I might try and take her away from you." I say in a cold voice. I give him a hard stare, full of distrust.

"Oh, Peeta," says Finnick lightly. "Don't make me sorry I restarted your heart." He leads Annie away after shooting a concerned glance over his shoulder at Katniss.

When they're gone, Delly says in a reproachful voice, "He did save your life, Peeta. More than once."

"For her." I say shortly, giving Katniss a brief nod. "For the rebellion. Not for me. I don't owe him anything."

"Maybe not. But Mags is dead and you're still here. That should count for something." Katniss says in an irritated voice. It takes every effort I have to prevent my hands from curling in to fists. I know that if I did that the guards would have me back in the hospital in an instant.

"Yeah, a lot of things should count for something that don't seem to, Katniss. I've got some memories I can't make sense of, and I don't think the Capitol touched them. A lot of nights on the train, for instance," I say angrily, the frustration of having these thoughts circling in my head for days finally coming out.

I make a gesture with my spoon, connecting Katniss and Gale, who up to this point I'd been trying my hardest to ignore, "So, are you two officially a couple now, or are they still dragging out the star-crossed lover thing?"

"Still dragging," says Johanna.

My hands suddenly go in to spasms, and I try desperately to calm them. The thought of me and Katniss Everdeen being presented as a couple makes me feel sick and shaky.

"I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it myself." Says Gale.

"What's that?" I ask.

"You," Gale answers.

"You'll have to be a little more specific," I say, beginning to get frustrated. "What about me?"

"That they've replaced you with the evil-mutt version of yourself," says Johanna.

Gale finishes his milk. "You done?" he asks Katniss, and the leave the table together.

"That's not fair Peeta!" Delly says shrilly, as soon as Katniss and Gale are out of the dining hall.

"What?" I ask calmly.

"Katniss is trying her hardest, and you just go and act like that towards her!" Delly shouts, her voice growing steadily higher. "When you were being held in the Capitol she was in pieces!" The dining hall has fallen quiet now, every face turned towards us.

"Stop!" I shout, dropping my fork with a clatter.

"No I won't!" She squeaks, "She loved you so so much, and now you're just throwing it all back at her!"

I'm trying so hard to remain in control, but Delly's words send me completely over the edge.

She tried kill you. No she didn't. She's a stinking mutt. But she loved you. No she didn't, I should never have trusted her. Just shut up!

It takes a few moments to realise, that I'm voicing all of these thoughts out loud. I'm vaguely aware of the pressure on my arms, as the guards take me away.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

The drug induced sleep that night, brings me haunting dreams. I stand in the middle of a forest clearing, the slight breeze whistling through the trees.

_Are you, Are you  
Coming to the tree  
Where they strung up a man they say murdered three  
Strange things did happen here  
No stranger would it be  
If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree_

I whip around trying to find the source of the noise, but I don't see anyone.

_Are you, Are you  
Coming to the tree  
Where the dead man called out for his love to flee  
Strange things did happen here  
No stranger would it be_  
_If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree'_

The singing is becoming louder now, but still I have no idea where it's coming from.

"Who's there!" I shout, in a shaky voice, and I hear a laugh in response. The laugh unnerves me far more than the singing, it's soft and childlike, but with a highly sinister edge to it.

_Are you, Are you  
Coming to the tree  
Where I told you to run, so we'd both be free  
Strange things did happen here_  
_No stranger would it be  
If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree._

"Stop!" I shout, clapping my hands over my hear, but the noise only grows. As I turn around I see several limp figures dangling from a tree. Darius, Lavinia, Portia, Cinna, and my father, are hanging by ropes tied around their necks, from the branch of an oak tree. Their eyes are open, but glazed over, their skin pallid, purple marks at their necks. Every single one of them is dead.

_Are you, Are you  
Coming to the tree_

I wildly turn around, desperately trying to find who's singing. That's when I see her. Sat on a branch high above the hanging corpses, Katniss Everdeen looks down at me, slowly passing a length of rope between her fingers.

_Wear a necklace of rope, side by side with me.  
Strange things did happen here,  
No stranger would it be,  
If we met up at midnight in the hanging tree._

I start to scream, willing my body to wake up, and pull itself out of this hideous nightmare, but the drugs they've given me are strong. I'm trapped.

When I do wake up, it's to a face glazed with tears, a raw throat, and a throbbing mind.

The cycle begins again. Breakfast, video clips, endless questions, lunch Delly, dinner, sleep. Again, and again, day after day. The doctors make endless amounts of notes on clipboards, and I know that even when they're not in the room, people are watching me through the mirror on the wall.

One day though, something different happens. It must be early afternoon, when the door opens and a woman I've never seen before walks in. She must be in about her early fifties, and her whole appearance is strangely colourless. She has pallid skin, and grey hair that falls in an unbroken sheet to her shoulders. Her eyes are grey, but a pale icy grey, like the slush left over from a snow storm.

"Good morning Peeta," She says in a brisk voice, "I'm Alma Coin, the President of District 13."

I remain starring at her blankly. To be honest I expected someone a bit more substantial to be the President of District 13. Anyway She obviously can't see me as too important otherwise she would have come to see me before now. She looks slightly put out when I don't say anything, but presses on nevertheless.

"Now, I don't know whether you're aware of this, but District 13 is preparing to take on the Capitol." She says in a flat voice. "Our people in the media department are putting together a series of propos of victors, to show Snow that we're coming."

"So what?" I say shortly. This information doesn't particularly interest me, nor does it have anything to do with me really. I'm just the mentally unstable boy they're keeping locked up in some underground hospital.

"So the people of Panem are wondering what has happened to you. They've seen the footage, of Katniss Everdeen, Johanna Mason, and Finnick Odair. I'd like you to start military training Peeta."

I stare at her hard, but she maintains eye contact. "Are you being serious?" I ask, "I'm not even trusted to eat my dinner without wearing handcuffs, and you want me to start military training?"

"Yes," She says simply, "You're to report for instruction at 7:30 tomorrow morning."

She leaves, closing the door firmly behind her. I stare at the door, utterly bewildered. My mind is still in pieces, and trying to distinguish between falsehood and reality is getting harder. Yet they want me to start training?

I'm shaken awake the next morning by Dr Callidus, who gives me an actual uniform to dress in. It makes me feel almost human again to discard the white papery hospital pyjamas, and dress in proper clothes. I get given a pair of scuffed, but solid boots, which take me a little longer than usual to lace up seeing as it's been so long since I've had to lace up my shoes. But after a couple of attempts though, I have the frayed laces secured in a tight double knot.

I hurriedly bolt down my breakfast, and two guards show up to take up for the morning workout. These workouts take place outside, so for the first time in months I actually get to see the sky. I shield my eyes from the brightness, as I step out on to the tarmac. To feel the light breeze on my skin after all these months shut away in windowless draft free rooms, is incredible.

My sudden burst of euphoria is short lived however, as I soon see Katniss Everdeen amongst the group of people in the morning work out, and I feel the guards draw closer to me. I try to push whatever thoughts I may have about her down, and focus on the exercise.

The physical activity takes its toll on my body, which has become accustomed to lying stationary for most of the day. I power through the stiffness of my muscles, and focus my mind on the strength exercises we're doing.

When we're finished I'm assigned to a different training group, which I'll train with for five days a week. They eye me worriedly at first, and I see that most of them can't be older that fifteen or sixteen. No doubt they saw my outburst at Delly in the dining room last week, but after a while they see that I'm not about to run around like a complete madman, so they soften towards me.

The commander in charge of my group is a tall wiry woman with jet black hair called Soldier Whitman. She's stern, and doesn't take any nonsense of anyone, but she treats me exactly the same as the others, so I immediately begin to like her. After a few minutes of stretching I'm plunged straight in at the deep end with a three mile run, which really puts in to perspective how much my body has deteriorated.

"Come on Soldier Mellark!" Soldier Whitman shouts after two and a half miles, "You're lagging behind!"

I clutch at the stitch in my side, and I desperately jog to try and catch up. I end up finishing about twenty minutes after everyone else, but Soldier Whitman gives me an approving nod, as I join straight in with the obstacle course.

After lunch we move straight over to the firing range, where I'm taught how to assemble a rifle, but with my unsteady hands I don't have much success. Most of the other kids in my group can assemble and fire a gun with easy, hitting the targets every time. I stand there, rifle clutched in my hand, which a sixteen year old girl called Emily helped me put together when Soldier Whitman wasn't looking. The guards were though, but they just look at me with a mixture of pity and indifference.

I can feel myself starting to slip, when I hear the gun shots, so I dig my nails hard in to the palms of my hands, willing myself to keep control. After a few minutes Soldier Whitman comes over.

"I think you'd better call it a day Soldier Mellark." She says, firmly but not unkindly, relieving me of my gun.

"No, I—" I begin, but she cuts me off.

"You've done very well today Soldier Mellark, you can pick up where you left off tomorrow morning." She says. "Take him back down to the hospital." She says to the two guards.

They each lay a hand on my shoulder, and lead me off the firing range, back down in to the bowels of District 13. Neither of them say a word to me the entire time.

It's only once I'm deposited back in my sterile hospital room that I appreciate how tired I am. I untie my boots and set them neatly at the foot of my bed, before carefully folding my uniform and changing back in to my hospital pyjamas.

My head feels clear for once, and not clogged up with distorted thoughts and memories. I know that tomorrow it will return in full force, but for now I breathe slightly easier. Dr Callidus and Aurelius leave me alone for the rest of the day, so I amuse myself by methodically sketching things, with the pad of paper and pencil the doctors left me.

I start drawing the trees on the edge of District 13, and even though the only colour available to me is grey I try to remember the soft greens and browns of the leaves.

"_Let's start with something more basic. Isn't it strange that I know you'd risk your life to save mine ... but I don't know what your favourite colour is?" I say. _

"_Green. What's yours?" Says Katniss. _

I freeze, my muscles tensing up. My breathing has become deep, as this memory tries to swim to the surface. I feel my thoughts starting to fog, trying to analyse it. The trouble is that I have no idea whether this 'memory' is even real or not.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

I focus myself on the training, hoping it will distract myself from the torment happening inside my mind. By the end of the first fortnight I can assemble a gun, and hit the target, as well as vastly improving my physical stamina. I feel better in myself, and some of the muscular strength which I lost after my stint in the Capitol is returning to me.

Most of the other groups have already left, and been sent to the Capitol, Katniss among them, so I don't have to worry about seeing her anymore. Sometimes I see President Coin at the edge of the training field, looking intently at me. Sometimes I try and stare her out, other times I just ignore her. There's something about President Coin that I just don't trust.

I''v been out on the firing range for most of the afternoon, and my shooting has actually started to improve. I still can't hit the dead centre of the target, but I'm starting to actually hit it now. And as I clock off for the day, Soldier Whitman gives me one of her rare ghost of a smiles, and an approving nod.

I go back down to the hospital after training, to find Delly sitting on the edge of my bed.

"Peeta!" She says with a wide smile. "You're looking so well."

"I feel it Delly," I say smiling back, and hugging her.

"Just think Peeta," She says resuming her place on the edge of my bed, "In a few weeks all this fighting might be over. Now that Katniss has gone out to the Capitol, maybe we'll finally win this thing."

"Why would Katniss make such a big difference?" I ask shortly.

"Well because she so brave, and so determined to get Snow back for what he's done to you." Delly says fiercely.

"Oh," I say despondently. "Delly I'm really tired from training, can you go now?" I say tiredly, but not unkindly.

"Yes, of course Peeta, I'm sorry." She says jumping to her feet, "We are going to get Snow back, for what he's done. I promise." And with that she leaves.

I sit back on my bed, breathing heavily. What's going to happen to me once the war is over? I doubt that they'll make such big efforts to try and help me when I'm no longer needed. No one will be interested in the mentally unstable baker boy from District 12, who once won the Hunger Games. I've got no family, barely any friends. Will they just discard me, and leave me to fend for myself.

As I fall asleep a dream, which starts very much like one I had a few night ago begins. I'm standing amidst some tall grass, with wild flowers everywhere. It takes a few seconds for me to realise that I'm standing in the meadow in District 12. The one that used to separate the town from the woods, and one of the few areas of beauty in the District.

I hear a light melody beginning a few meters away.

_Deep in the meadow, under the willow  
A bed of grass, a soft green pillow  
Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes  
And when again they open, the sun will rise._

A chorus of mockingjays sit singing in the branch of a nearby tree. I know the song, I recognise it. But I have no idea where from.

_Here it's safe, here it's warm  
Here the daisies guard you from every harm  
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true  
Here is the place where I love you._

The sound is so peaceful, so beautiful that I start to walk towards to birds.

_Deep in the meadow, hidden far away  
A cloak of leaves, A moonbeam ray  
Forget your woes and let your troubles lay  
And when again it's morning, they'll wash away._

As I get closer I notice something lying on the ground at the foot of the tree. I then see that it's a little girl, with dark brown skin and hair, lying quite asleep in the long grass. Flowers have been threaded in to her hair, and scattered across the rest of her body too.

_Here it's safe, here it's warm  
Here the daisies guard you from every harm  
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true  
Here is the place where I love you._

The song is growing louder, and I'm worried that it's going to wake the little girl up. She looks so happy, so innocent lying asleep amongst the flowers, that I don't want her disturbed. But as the song ends the girl doesn't open her eyes.

I kneel down beside her, brushing the hair off her face. That's when I notice that her chest has stopped rising and falling. Her breathing has stopped. Leaning against the tree is a long metal spear, the end unmistakably covered in scarlet blood. Panicking I look down at the girl, and see the hole in her stomach, which had previously been hidden by wild flowers.

I awake with a yell, completely drenched in sweat, but entirely and utterly confused as to what my dream was even about. I try to cast it aside, like all the other 'memories' I've had to let go, neither knowing whether they were illusion or reality. But the little girl with the hole in her stomach preys on my mind all throughout the day.

A couple of weeks later, I'm told by Soldier Whitman that I'm wanted in Command. I have no idea where that even is, but the two guards who constantly have to accompany me, lead me back through District 13, and around the maze of corridors.

It turns out that Command is a high-tech meeting council room. On the walls are huge electronic maps, showing the movement of the different troops in the Districts. A vast control panel sits in the corner, and in the centre of the room is a big metal rectangular table, with President Coin, sitting at the head, and her advisers round the edge.

"Ah Peeta," She says blandly, "I see you got the message, please take a seat."

I take an empty sit to her right. Next to her sits, a man with grey hair and an ample frame. I recognise him; I think his name might be Plutarch Heavensbee. But I can't be sure of anything anymore.

"Now Peeta," She says in a business like tone, "I'm very pleased with the progress you've made in the military training, but we feel that the propos need heating up a bit."

"So what do you want me to do? Perform cartwheels while reciting the alphabet backwards?" I say more sarcastically than I intended. Coin gives me a cold smile.

"No. We've decided that we're going to send you to the Capitol."

I stare at them both for a few seconds. "What?" I ask incredulously.

"You're squad number is 451, and you're leader is Soldier Boggs," Says Coin, ignoring me. "They're one soldier down at the moment, so you're filling that spot."

"Who else is in the squad?" I manage to splutter out.

When she says, Finnick Odair, Gale Hawthorne, and Katniss Everdeen, my blood runs cold.

But it's non-debateable. The President has ordered that I go to the Capitol, so to the Capitol I must go. I'm given a haircut, and my squad number 451 is stamped on the back of my hand. Saying goodbye to Delly is harder than I thought. I never realised before, that apart from her brother, I'm the only person in District 13 who she truly cares about, and loves.

"You be careful," She says, tears streaming down her pale face, "Promise me you'll be careful!" She says fiercely.

"I always am," I say with a half smile, "Coin's only sending me out so that she'll have some decent footage to work with. I'll be fine."

Delly flings her arms tight around my neck, knocking me slightly off balance, but I pat her gently on the back. When she pulls away, she plants a wet kiss on my cheek, before running of down the corridor sobbing.

The next morning I'm packed on to a hovercraft with several other late arrivals. Most of the other soldiers were shipped out last week. The hovercraft takes us to District 12 where a makeshift transportation area has been set up outside the fire zone. I'm not prepared for the devastation that awaits us. From the air I see where the town square once stood, and I see where my family's bakery has been burnt to the ground.

A lump forms in my throat, as I think of my family sitting around the table, on cold winter evenings. How fast did they die? Was it instant and painless, or did they slowly burn to death. As much as I hate to admit it, it was most probably the latter. And I can't help but think how it's all my fault.

A sick feeling grows in my stomach as the hovercraft lands on the baron dusty earth. There is literally nothing left. Just dust and ashes.

I don't get long to dwell on it, because before long I'm packed in to cargo train, along with the others and sped towards the Capitol.

It takes two days of travelling, on the cold damp train before we eventually disembark inside one of the mountain tunnels leading to the Capitol, and make the rest of the six-hour trek on foot, taking care to step only on a glowing green paint line that marks safe passage to the air above.

We come out at the rebel encampment, which stretches ten blocks outside the train station, where I came out of all that time ago. I vaguely remember the station being packed with Capitol citizens, wearing all manner of weird clothing. Looking at the amount of soldiers here now, it's hard to believe that those people even existed.

I see squad 451 almost at once, and I feel a jolting sensation in my stomach as my eyes clock Katniss Everdeen. I walk over to them though, my gun strap swinging on my shoulder.

She spots me almost at once. Her face showing an expression of dawning comprehension, I see a flash of something in her eyes for just a second. Unmistakable fear.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

The second I get to the group Boggs relieves me of my weapon, and goes to make a phone call. I know that it's to President Coin, demanding for me to be sent back to District 13 straight away.

"It won't matter," I tell the rest of them. "The president assigned me herself. She decided the propos needed some heating up."

They just stare at me with a mixture of disbelief, and coldness, until Boggs gets back. When he does, it's clear that he's furious. The first thing he does is instruct a woman called Soldier Jackson, his second in command, to set up a round the clock two person guard on me. The second thing he does is to take Katniss for a talk, far away from the rest of the squad.

I calmly pitch my tent, whilst Jackson shouts orders at the rest of the squad, about who is to guard me. After another few minutes I hear Katniss return.

"What time is my watch?" She asks Jackson.

"I didn't put you in the rotation." She answers slowly.

"Why not?" She says.

"I'm not sure you could really shoot Peeta, if it came to it," Jackson says simply. I feel like a heavy weight has been dropped in to my stomach. These people will really kill me if I step out of line.

"I wouldn't be shooting Peeta. He's gone. Johanna's right. It'd be just like shooting another of the Capitol's mutts." She says in a loud voice, so that the whole squad will be able to hear her. She's acting like I'm not even here, like I can't hear what she's saying. A feeling of angry frustration builds up inside me, but it's soon overtaken by anxiety. Maybe she's right, maybe I am a mutt. I have no idea who I even am anymore, I could be anything.

"Well, that sort of comment isn't recommending you either," says Jackson.

"Put her in the rotation," I hear Boggs say.

After a short pause Jackson speaks again, "Midnight to four. You're on with me."

The dinner whistle sounds, and I'm escorted by Finnick and another man called Mitchell to the canteen, where squad 451 and the camera crew collect their food. We gather in a tense circle to eat, where the atmosphere is inherently awkward, with people shooting covert glances at both me and Katniss.

I'm told by Jackson to sleep out in the open near the heater, where everyone can see me. Finnick and Mitchell, sit to fulfil their watch on me, while I here a woman called Soldier Leeg softly crying in her tent.

I lay on my back my fingers twitching nervously, trying to calm the torrent of disembodied thoughts running rampant in my head.

"Here," Says Finnick his hand stretched out towards me. In it he holds a length of rope, which makes anger flare up inside me instantly.

"What do you expect me to do with that? Strangle myself, so you don't have to keep watch on me anymore?" I say viciously.

"No, I thought that you could use a distraction." He says calmly. "Why don't you try tying some knots?"

As much as I hate to say it, Finnick's advice works. I sit up, sleeping bag pulled up to my chest, clumsily tying and re-tying knots in the length of rope.

At midnight Finnick and Mitchell retreat in to their tents, and Jackson and Katniss take position. I ignore Katniss, focusing on my knots.

"These last couple of years must have been exhausting for you. Trying to decide whether to kill me or not. Back and forth. Back and forth." I eventually say, after about an hour.

"I never wanted to kill you. Except when I thought you were helping the Careers kill me. After that, I always thought of you as…an ally." She says.

"Ally." I say the word slowly, tasting it. "Friend. Lover. Victor. Enemy. Fiancée. Target. Mutt. Neighbour. Hunter. Tribute. Ally. I'll add it to the list of words I use to try to figure you out." I weave the rope in and out of my fingers, "The problem is, I can't tell what's real anymore, and what's made up."

Finnick's voice rises from a bundle in the shadows. "Then you should ask, Peeta. That's what Annie does."

"Ask who?" I say. "Who can I trust?"

"Well, us for starters. We're your squad," says Jackson.

"You're my guards," I point out, remembering the threat to shoot me.

"That, too," she says. "But you saved a lot of lives in Thirteen. It's not the kind of thing we forget."

Silence falls over the group, but I can't help but feel slightly reassured. I don't even try to sleep, I know that it won't be any use.

At a few minutes before four, I turn to Katniss again, a vague stirring of memory coming back to me. "Your favourite colour…it's green?"

"That's right." She says, and after a short pause speaks again. "And yours is orange."

"Orange?" I say unconvinced. For some reason, brightest neon shade of the colour pops in to my head.

"Not bright orange. But soft. Like the sunset," She says. "At least, that's what you told me once."

"Oh." I close my eyes for a few seconds, the image of a sunset coming to me immediately. I know that she is at least right about one thing. I nod my head, "Thank you."

"You're a painter." She says, her words tumbling out, "You're a baker. You like to sleep with the windows open. You never take sugar in your tea. And you always double-knot your shoelaces." She dives quickly in to her tent, before I can say another word to her.

I lie awake for another hour, until I eventually fall asleep, the rope still clutched in my hand.

By the time I wake up the next morning, Katniss, Finnick, and Gale have already left to go and film something with the camera crew. Jackson brings me a cup of hot milk and oats, which I eat quickly.

"Peeta, I meant what I said last night," Jackson says, "We're your squad, and we want to help you in anyway that we can."

I look at her over my cup, "Okay," I say slowly, "How exactly?"

Jackson takes a long look at me, "Well with your memories for instance. How about you just tell us something you think happened, and we tell you whether it's real or not real?"

It sounds simple, but in reality it works. By the time Katniss, Finnick and Gale are back, we're deep in to a session of 'Real of Not Real.'

"Most of the people from Twelve were killed in the fire." I say

"Real. Less than nine hundred of you made it to Thirteen alive." Jackson answers.

"The fire was my fault." I ask.

"Not real. President Snow destroyed Twelve the way he did Thirteen, to send a message to the rebels." Says Jackson.

Jackson breaks up the watches and she matches up Finnick, Gale, and me each with a soldier from 13, so that I'll always have access to someone who knows me more personally. But it's not always that easy. My mind has been so damaged that I can spend hours thinking about the smallest details, like where people bought their soap back home. Gale can fill me in on all the stuff about District 12, and Finnick knows both of my games, seeing as he was a mentor in the first, and a tribute in the second. But most of my confusion is centred on Katniss, and there are some questions that can only be answered by her.

But not everything can be answered simply. Are conversations are painful and loaded, simply because I still have no idea whether I can trust her or not. Reconstructing my memory is excruciating, and I start to have doubts as to whether it's even possible or not.

The next afternoon, we're notified that the whole squad is needed to stage a fairly complicated propo. I'm briefly filled in on the whole layout of the outskirts of the Capitol. Each block is covered in pods, which can be seen on the holo, which is a kind of electronic map. Each pod represents a different obstacle, the nature of which could be anything from a bomb to a band of mutts. This is why the rebel surge is taking so long, seeing as he block has to be methodically swept of pods before anyone can advance.

So today, a special block has been set aside for filming. It even has a couple of active pods on it. One unleashes a spray of gunfire. The other nets the invader and traps them for either interrogation or execution, depending on the captors' preference. But it's still an unimportant residential block with nothing of strategic consequence.

I watch the television crew, as they suit up with their equipment. There's a man called Messalla, a woman called Cressida, and two brothers called Castor and Pollux. It's Pollux who interests me the most. I've never heard him speak, and there's something strange about the way he swallows.

The television crew means to provide a sense of heightened jeopardy by releasing smoke bombs and adding gunfire sound effects. We suit up in heavy protective gear, even the crew, as if we're heading into the heart of battle. Boggs even gives me my gun back, although he quick to tell me in a loud voice that it's filled with blanks.

I shrug, "I'm not much of a shot anyway." I say, before turning my attention back on Pollux. Then with a pang of pity, I figure it out.

"You're an Avox, aren't you? I can tell by the way you swallow. There were two Avoxes with me in prison. Darius and Lavinia, but the guards mostly called them the redheads." I say in an agitated voice, "They'd been our servants in the Training Center, so they arrested them, too. I watched them being tortured to death. She was lucky. They used too much voltage and her heart stopped right off. It took days to finish him off. Beating, cutting off parts. They kept asking him questions, but he couldn't speak, he just made these horrible animal sounds. They didn't want information, you know? They wanted me to see it."

I look around at their stunned faces, waiting for a response, when none comes I ask, "Real or not real?" The lack of response upsets me more. "Real or not real?" I demand.

"Real," says Boggs. "At least, to the best of my knowledge…real."

I sag, "I thought so. There was nothing…shiny about it." I've been thinking this for a while. Sometimes I think that I remember something, but the memories are oddly distorted, with a shiny hue to them. Something inside of my brain tells me that these are the memories that the Capitol has tampered with, but I can't really be sure. I wander away muttering about fingers and toes, and how they nearly cut all of Darius's off before he could die. These sickening thoughts take over my mind, until I lose all track of what's going on.

I become disorientated, not really sure what's going on, but doing what I'm told. We crunch through the streets of broken glass until we reach our target, the block we are to take. Everything before me is slightly hazy, and I'm sure that it has nothing to do with the smoke bombs.

We slowly proceed down the street, the camera crews recording our every action. Everyone is assigned a section of windows to blow out, but Gale is assigned to shoot the pod itself. I duck like everyone else as a hail of bullets sweeps back and forth over our heads. I follow everyone else forward, before they stop again. I'm vaguely aware of the camera crews focusing in on peoples faces, gathering close-ups.

After another couple of minutes I hear Boggs say something, but his words are drowned out by the shaking boom of the bomb, which blows off his legs, and sets my mind on fire.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

It's as if the world has been ripped in two. Terrible, spine chilling screams punctuate the air. And there's blood. Blood everywhere, pouring from the stumps where Boggs' legs had once been. The haziness of the street in front of me has heightened, streaming from random pastel coloured buildings, the acrid smell of gun powder hot in my nostrils.

And through it all, I can only form once clear thought. Kill Katniss Everdeen.

Furiously I power forwards, and yank her back by the hair, slamming her against the stone ground. I know that my gun hasn't got any real bullets in it, but it's the only weapon I have against her. I raise the butt of it high above my head, preparing to bring it smashing down on her skull. Finally crushing the insect that has tormented me for all this time.

Only I don't get the chance. Within seconds I hear the smash of the gun on the pavement, as Mitchell tackles me. He's pinned me to the floor in an instant, but I'm strong, and fuelled by my furious anger he's no match for me. So I manage to get my feet under Mitchell's stomach, and with apparent ease, I launch him even further down the street.

There's a loud snap of a trap as the pod triggers. Four cables, attached to tracks on the buildings, break through the stones, dragging up the net that encases Mitchell.

It's with a grim satisfaction that I see Mitchell is covered in blood, from the barbed wire which decorates the net. But I've got no time to look on the scene. I need to kill her, now.

But as I advance on her, two more people lunge at me. I kick and scream, struggling against their hold on me. They lift me clean off my feet, carrying me in to an anonymous apartment block, which me writhing to get free of them. I hear the click of metal, and a sudden coldness against my wrists. The handcuffs only make me turn wilder. Desperate to break free of them, and rip Katniss Everdeen apart, limb from limb.

I'm slammed against a wooden wall, and I can feel the closeness of the walls on either side of me. Then the world is enveloped in darkness as they shut the door on me, and I hear the click of a lock.

Incensed, I pound and kick and the door with all the energy I possess. Determined to get out, and finish my mission. I slam my head against the door, which makes me feel light headed. I can smell toxic fumes, like hot tar, which makes my head swim. Eventually after a few more feeble kicks, I lose consciousness.

Terrible images play through my mind. Mitchell oozing blood, strung up in net, waiting to die. The look of fear of Katniss Everdeen's face as I advanced on her with a gun. Boggs, lying in a huge pool of blood, his legs completely blown off.

When I wake up, I'm draped across a powder blue sofa, my hands still in cuffs, the rest of the squad with their back to me, watching the television. I glance over at it, and I see myself on the screen, along with the rest of our team.

I watch as I see myself grabbing Katniss back, raising the gun above my head, ready to crush her skull. I witness myself being tackled by Mitchell, and kicking off in to the pod. He's hoisted high above the ground in a net, spikes of barbed wire digging deep in to his flesh.

That one thought swims to the forefront of my mind. I killed Mitchell. I murdered him in cold blood, just because he got in my way. The word guilty can't even begin to describe how I feel at this moment. I squeeze my eyes shut, but the image of my own face comes before me. The insane, homicidal expression that I wore as I attempted to kill Katniss, and murdered Mitchell.

I look at the television as the reporter identifies Gale, Finnick, Boggs, Peeta, Cressida, and me by name. Then it cuts to a live feed. A reporter stands on the roof with the Peacekeepers. Behind her, the apartment block burns. Fire fighters try to control the blaze with water hoses. We are pronounced dead.

"Finally, a bit of luck," says Soldier Homes, a member of our squad.

"My father. He just lost my sister and now…" says Leeg, and I hear her voice crack.

I just lay there, completely numb, guilt eating away at me. All this time I've been screaming about Katniss being a mutt, something Snow designed to use against the rest of us. But now I see myself for what I really am. It's me that's the mutt. I'm the one that poses a danger to everyone else. It's me that should be crushed.

"So, now that we're dead, what's our next move?" Gale asks.

"Isn't it obvious?" I say, in a hoarse voice. I push myself in to a sitting position, and direct my words at Gale. I can't allow myself to do something like that again. I just want it to end.

"Our next move…is to kill me."

There's silence for a few moments, until Jackson speaks.

"Don't be ridiculous," She says.

"I just murdered a member of our squad!" I shout.

"You pushed him off you. You couldn't have known he would trigger the net at that exact spot," says Finnick, trying to calm me.

"Who cares? He's dead, isn't he?" I say, tears starting to run down my face, the misery and guilt completely taking over. "I didn't know. I've never seen myself like that before. Katniss is right. I'm the monster. I'm the mutt. I'm the one Snow has turned into a weapon!"

"It's not your fault, Peeta," says Finnick.

"You can't take me with you. It's only a matter of time before I kill someone else."I look around wildly at their conflicted faces. "Maybe you think it's kinder to just dump me somewhere. Let me take my chances. But that's the same thing as handing me over to the Capitol. Do you think you'd be doing me a favour by sending me back to Snow?"

I'd rather be killed a hundred times that be sent back to that cold stone prison. Tortured and tormented, until I'm absolutely nothing. Just dust and ashes.

"I'll kill you before that happens," says Gale. "I promise."

I look at Gale for a few seconds. I don't doubt that he would kill me, rather than let me be taken by Snow again, but it's not a guarantee that he even would be there to do it.

"It's no good." I say shaking my head, "What if you're not there to do it? I want one of those poison pills like the rest of you have."

I wasn't issued a nightlock pill. But I know that the rest of them have them, to make sure they aren't captured by Snow.

"It's not about you," Says Katniss, speaking for the first time since I woke up. "We're on a mission. And you're necessary to it." She turns to look at the rest of the group. "Think we might find some food here?"

Half of the go and hunt for something to eat, while the other half stay to guard me. I don't understand them. Right now, apart from Snow I'm the biggest threat to the safety of the squad. I've seen myself properly for the first time, and it's tearing me apart inside. I don't want to live like this anymore. Why can't they just kill me, and end the torture.

The kitchen cupboards are bare, but the food group find a concealed panel, behind a mirror in the bedroom. They call out to us, and we go to join them.

"Isn't this illegal?" says Leeg, as they stare at over thirty canned items, and several boxes of cookies.

"On the contrary, in the Capitol you'd be considered stupid not to do it," says Messalla. "Even before the Quarter Quell, people were starting to stock up on scarce supplies."

"While others went without," says Leeg clearly disgusted at the Capitol indulgence.

"Right," says Messalla. "That's how it works here."

"Fortunately, or we wouldn't have dinner," says Gale. "Everybody grab a can."

Eating is the last thing I feel like doing at the moment, but for appearances sake I poke around in the pile like the rest of them.

My finger close around a cold metal tin and I pull it out of the pile. I stare at the label which reads 'Lamb Stew.'

I look over at Katniss, and something stirs deep down inside me. Like a long forgotten memory desperately trying to make itself be remembered.

I hold out the can to her, "Here," I say.

She takes the can, and reads the label, pressing her lips tight together. I know that I may not remember, but she does.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

She looks at me for a few moments, her eyes oddly wide. "Thanks," She says popping open the top. "It even has dried plums." She adds, before bending the top of the can in to a makeshift spoon, and scooping a bit in to her mouth.

We're passing round a box of cookies, when the television starts bleeping, signalling the start of an emergency broadcast. The seal of Panem lights up the screen, as the anthem plays in the background. Then they begin to show the faces of the dead, just like they did every night I was in the Hunger Games arenas. The memory of watching those children's faces projected in the sky is still painfully fresh. They start with the four faces of our TV crew, followed by Boggs, Gale, Finnick, Me, and Katniss. Except for Boggs, they don't bother with the soldiers from 13, either because they have no idea who they are or because they know they won't mean anything to the audience. Then Snow himself appears on the screen, and I feel my hands curl in to fists at my sides. He sits coolly, a flag draped behind him, a fresh white rose gleaming in his lapel.

Snow congratulates the Peacekeepers on ridding the country of the Mockingjay, and predicts that now the war will take a dramatic turn, since the rebels no longer have a face to follow.

Then suddenly it's not President Snow but President Coin who's looking at us. I realise that District 13 must have broken in; just like I think they must have done on the night I gave a warning to District 13, during my interview. She introduces herself to Panem, identifies herself as the head of the rebellion, and then gives Katniss's eulogy. Her eyes are completely free from emotion as she talks of the courageous girl, who saved herself and her family from starvation, and survived the Hunger Games twice. "Dead or alive, Katniss Everdeen will remain the face of this rebellion. If ever you waver in your resolve, think of the Mockingjay, and in her you will find the strength you need to rid Panem of its oppressors."

"I had no idea how much I meant to her," Says Katniss, which makes Gale laugh, but the rest of us shoot her inquisitive looks.

Then up comes a heavily altered photograph of Katniss, with no words, and no slogan. Her face is all they need now for the rebellion.

District 13 gives the power back to the Capitol, where we see a very controlled, but clearly livid President Snow. He speaks in careful, measured voice, "Tomorrow morning, when we pull Katniss Everdeen's body from the ashes, we will see exactly who the Mockingjay is. A dead girl who could save no one, not even herself." Then the seal, the anthem, and the screen goes black.

"Except that you won't find her," says Finnick to the empty screen. The sight of President Snow brings back so many hideous thoughts to me that I can feel myself slipping. Furiously determined to keep myself in control, I dig my wrists hard in to the metal of my handcuffs.

"We can get a head start on them at least," Says Katniss. She then pulls out the holo, and insists that Jackson talks her through some basic commands. As the holo projects a hologram of our surroundings, I become aware that we're moving in to an area where the number of pods has dramatically increased. We're completely trapped.

"Any ideas?" Says Katniss exasperatedly.

"Why don't we start by ruling out possibilities," says Finnick. "The street is not a possibility."

"The rooftops are just as bad as the street," says Leeg.

"We still might have a chance to withdraw, go back the way we came," says Homes. «But that would mean a failed mission."

"It was never intended for all of us to go forward. You just had the misfortune to be with me."

"Well, that's a moot point. We're with you now," says Jackson. "So, we can't stay put. We can't move up. We can't move laterally. I think that just leaves one option."

"Underground," says Gale.

The Holo can show subterranean as well as street-level pods, and it turns out that when we go underground, although the clean, dependable lines of the street plan are interlaced with a twisting, turning mess of tunnels, the pods look less numerous.

It doesn't matter for me either way, seeing as I'm determined not to let myself be a danger to any of them.

Two doors down, a vertical tube connects our row of apartments to the tunnels. To reach the tube apartment, we will need to squeeze through a maintenance shaft that runs the length of the building. We can enter the shaft through the back of a closet space on the upper floor.

"Okay, then. Let's make it look like we've never been here," Katniss says. We erase all signs of our stay. Send the empty cans down a trash chute, pocket the full ones for later, flip sofa cushions smeared with blood, wipe traces of gel from the tiles. There's no fixing the latch on the front door, but we lock a second bolt, which will at least keep the door from swinging open on contact.

I help them clean the place up, but when it comes to leaving, I plant myself firmly on the sofa, refusing to budge.

"I'm not going. I'll either disclose your position or hurt someone else." I say, horrible images of Mitchell's mangled body running through my mind.

"Snow's people will find you," says Finnick.

"Then leave me a pill. I'll only take it if I have to," I say

"That's not an option. Come along," says Jackson.

"Or you'll what? Shoot me?" I ask.

"We'll knock you out and drag you with us," says Homes. "Which will both slow us down and endanger us."

"Stop being noble! I don't care if I die!" I say, my voice growing louder. I turn to Katniss, pleading with her leave me behind. "Katniss, please. Don't you see, I want to be out of this?" Tears are starting to run down my face, and I desperately try to push down the choking sobs that will soon try and escape from my throat.

Katniss looks down at me for a few seconds, as though deciding what to do with me. Eventually though, she says, "We're wasting time. Are you coming voluntarily or do we knock you out?"

I bury my face in my hands, my heart sinking in to my stomach. After a few moments though, I get to my feet.

"Should we free his hands?" asks Leeg.

"No!" I growl at her, drawing the cuffs in close to my body. The cuffs are the one thing at the moment that help me keep control. Take them away, and there's no telling what I'll do.

"No," Katniss echoes. "But I want the key." Jackson passes it over without a word.

Homes prises open the door to the maintenance shaft, and after Castor and Pollux discard some of the bulkier camera shells, we climb in, going single file.

Even going single file, holding our packs and gear out to the side, it's a tight fit. We sidestep our way past the first apartment, and break into the second. In this apartment, one of the bedrooms has a door marked utility instead of a bathroom. Behind the door is the room with the entrance to the tube.

I hear Messalla say something about the layout of the apartment, but I ignore him. My mind is too preoccupied trying to fight off the shiny distorted memories that are threatening to take over.

The tube cover's simple to unlatch. A wide ladder with rubber treads on the steps allows for a swift, easy descent into the bowels of the city. We gather at the foot of the ladder, waiting for our eyes to adjust to the dim strips of lights, breathing in the mixture of chemicals, mildew, and sewage.

Pollux, pale and sweaty, reaches out and latches on to Castor's wrist. Like he might fall over if there isn't someone to steady him.

"My brother worked down here after he became an Avox," says Castor. "Took five years before we were able to buy his way up to ground level. Didn't see the sun once."

I can empathise with Pollux. I went nearly eight months without seeing the sun. It makes you feel completely powerless, and fills you with an impenetrable darkness, which feels like it will never lift.

Everyone just stands there, too tired and too horrified by the days events to say anything. Finally it falls to me to break the silence.

I turn to Pollux, "Well, then you just became our most valuable asset." Castor laughs and Pollux manages a smile.

I trudge down the tunnel between my guards, Gale and Jackson, my shoulders hunched forward, head to the floor.

My assumption turns out to be right, Pollux is invaluable. There is a simple network of wide tunnels that directly corresponds to the main street plan above, underlying the major avenues and cross streets. It's called the Transfer, since small trucks use it to deliver goods around the city. During the day, its many pods are deactivated, but at night it's a minefield. However, hundreds of additional passages, utility shafts, train tracks, and drainage tubes form a multilevel maze. Pollux knows details that would lead to disaster for a newcomer, like which offshoots might require gas masks or have live wires or rats the size of beavers. He alerts us to the gush of water that sweeps through the sewers periodically, anticipates the time the Avoxes will be changing shifts, leads us into damp, obscure pipes to dodge the nearly silent passage of cargo trains. Most important, he has knowledge of the cameras. There aren't many down in this gloomy, misty place, except in the Transfer. But we keep well out of their way.

I'm absolutely exhausted, and everyone else is clearly dead on their feet. We've been walking in the tunnel for six hours, and it's close to three in the morning, so when Katniss suggests that we rest no one objects.

Pollux finds a small, warm room humming with machines loaded with levers and dials. He holds up his fingers to indicate we must be gone in four hours. Jackson works out a guard schedule, and I lay on the floor, to try and get some sleep.

It's no use though. No matter how tired I feel, or how hard I close my eyes, sleep just doesn't seem to come. Instead I lie awake, starring at the ceiling, and wondering if I'll ever see the sun again.

Every hour or so the guard changes, except for Pollux who has insisted on staying awake all night. It must be about six o'clock when Katniss speaks.

"Have you eaten?" She asks. I give a slight shake of the head, and opens a can of chicken and rice soup for me. I sit up and tilt the can back, chugging the soup without really bothering to chew it.

"Peeta, when you asked about what happened to Darius and Lavinia, and Boggs told you it was real, you said you thought so. Because there was nothing shiny about it. What did you mean?" She asks softly.

"Oh. I don't know exactly how to explain it," I tell her. "In the beginning, everything was just complete confusion. Now I can sort certain things out. I think there's a pattern emerging. The memories they altered with the tracker jacker venom have this strange quality about them. Like they're too intense or the images aren't stable. You remember what it was like when we were stung?"

"Trees shattered. There were giant coloured butterflies. I fell in a pit of orange bubbles." She pauses for a moment. "Shiny orange bubbles."

"Right. But nothing about Darius or Lavinia was like that. I don't think they'd given me any venom yet," I say.

"Well, that's good, isn't it?" She asks. "If you can separate the two, then you can figure out what's true."

"Yes. And if I could grow wings, I could fly. Only people can't grow wings," I say, slightly hopelessly. "Real or not real?"

"Real," She says. "But people don't need wings to survive."

"Mockingjays do." I answer, and I hand the empty soup can back to her.

"There's still time. You should sleep." She says. I lie back on the floor without protest, but I just stare at the dials on one of the machines, slowly ticking from side to side.

Then she touches me. I feel her small warm hands softly stroking back the hair off my face. I freeze at her touch, but I don't recoil. There's something that seems so achingly familiar with this action. Something almost protective. I realise that it's the first time we've touched since I strangled her after my rescue, and a ripple of shame runs through me.

"You're still trying to protect me. Real or not real," I whisper.

"Real," She answers. "Because that's what you and I do. Protect each other."

I close my eyes, and with a minute I drift off in to a doze. But I dream of her the entire time. Whispering her name in my sleep.

"Katniss."


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

It takes a couple of seconds for me to realise that I'm awake, and not the only person whispering Katniss's name. The hissing noise is growing louder. Mutts, that's the only thing it could be. Mutt's that are programmed to kill Katniss.

"Katniss!" I shout, sitting bolt upright, and whipping round to face her. "Katniss! Get out of here!"

"Why? What's making that sound?" She asks alarmed.

"I don't know. Only that it has to kill you," I say. "Run! Get out! Go!"

Katniss turns to face the rest of the squad, taking in their sweaty pale faces.

"Whatever it is, it's after me. It might be a good time to split up."

"But we're your guard," says Jackson.

"And your crew," adds Cressida.

"I'm not leaving you," Gale says.

After a brief moment of hesitation she sets to work giving everyone weapons. Finnick gives one of his two guns to Castor, she ejects the blank cartridge from mine, and fills it with real ones and hands it to Pollux. Since both her and Gale both have bows, they give their guns to Messalla and Cressida. The only person left without a weapon is me, but I'll be the first to admit that I'm not to be trusted with a gun. Not after what I did to Mitchell.

We leave the room clear of everything but our scent, as there's no way of trying to get rid of that. The hissing becomes far more distinct as we leave the room, but we can also tell that the mutts are still a fair distance behind us. I furiously dig my wrists in to the metal of the handcuffs, forcing myself not to lose control.

Katniss and Pollux had worked out the next leg of our journey, so the rest of us follow them. We've covered about three more blocks via an overflow pipe and a section of neglected train track when the screams begin. Thick, guttural. Bouncing off the tunnel walls.

"Avoxes," I say immediately, horrible memories coming back to me, "That's what Darius sounded like when they tortured him."

"The mutts must have found them," says Cressida.

"So they're not just after Katniss," says Leeg.

"They'll probably kill anyone. It's just that they won't stop until they get to her," says Gale.

I can almost hear Katniss's brain ticking away in front of me, trying to find a solution.

"Let me go on alone. Lead them off. I'll transfer the Holo to Jackson. The rest of you can finish the mission." She says.

"No one's going to agree to that!" says Jackson in exasperation.

"We're wasting time!" says Finnick.

While they've been arguing no one's noticed that the screaming has stopped.

"Listen," I whisper.

In the absence of the screams, her name rebounds, startlingly close in proximity.

"Katniss."

We all break in to a run, desperate to evade the mutts. We reach the steps leading down to a lower level, and Katniss and Pollux are searching for an alternative route, when Katniss starts to gag.

"Masks on!" orders Jackson.

But there's no need for masks. I smell what Katniss is smelling. The unmistakable scent of roses.

We swerve away from the smell and stumble right out onto the Transfer. Smooth, pastel-coloured tiled streets, just like the ones above, but bordered by white brick walls instead of apartments. A roadway where delivery vehicles can drive with ease, without the congestion of the Capitol. Empty now, of everything but us.

Katniss swings up her bow, and blows up the first pod, killing the nest of flesh eating rats inside. We then sprint to the next intersection, knowing that one false step will send us tumbling in to something labelled 'meat grinder.' My stomach turns, the chicken and rice soup threatening to make a reappearance. Katniss shouts at us to stay with her, but she hasn't noticed Messalla.

Finnick pulls her to a stop, and she whips round. Two of Gale's arrows already lie useless beside the wide shaft of golden light that radiates from ceiling to floor. Inside, Messalla is as still as a statue, poised up on the ball of one foot, head tilted back, held captive by the beam. I can't tell if he's yelling, although his mouth is stretched wide. We watch, utterly helpless, as the flesh melts off his body like candle wax.

I push my terror down, determined that we need to get out of here. "Can't help him!" I shout, and I start to shove people forward, "Can't!"

Katniss remains starring at poor Messalla until I shove her forward. I don't know why I'm the only one who seems functional enough to actually get people moving. All I know is that I could descend in to homicidal madness at any moment.

As we round the corner, a shower of gunfire brings down a spray of plaster. The squad of Peacekeepers are descending on us, and with the meat grinder pod still in the way, there's nothing we can do except fire back.

Only I can't. I don't have a weapon, so it's all I can do to cower like a child at the back of the squad. Squad 451 makes fast work of the Peacekeepers, until a mass of beings come streaming down from the side of the tunnel.

At first I think that they're just more Peacekeepers, but then I get a proper look at them. My blood runs cold at the sight of them. They are white, four limbed, and the size of a full grown human. Naked, with long reptilian tails, arched backs, and heads that jut forward. They swarm over the Peacekeepers, living and dead, clamp on to their necks with their mouths and rip off the helmeted heads. I stand there, completely horror struck at these mutations. And the worst part is that I'm no better than them. I too killed people without even thinking about it, like I was programmed to do it.

It seems to take only seconds before the Peacekeepers are decapitated. The mutts fall to their bellies and skitter toward us on all fours.

"This way!" Shouts Katniss, hugging the wall, and making a sharp right turn to avoid the pod. When everyone has joined her, she fires at the intersection, activating the meat grinder. Huge mechanical teeth burst through the street and chew the tile to dust. I want to think that this will stop the mutts, but something tells me that they will get us at any cost.

Katniss grabs Pollux's arm, "Forget the mission. What's the quickest way aboveground?" She shouts.

Jackson and Leeg are at the back of the crew, firing ferociously at the mutts. I quickly turn around and we follow Pollux for about ten yards, and go through a door, where the tiles change suddenly to concrete. We crawl through a tight, stinking pipe, on to a ledge that can only be about a foot wide.

A yard below, a poisonous brew of human waste, garbage, and chemical runoff bubbles by us. Parts of the surface are on fire, others emit evil-looking clouds of vapour. I wretch at the smell, but carry on moving as fast as I dare against the slippery ledge. We eventually reach a narrow bridge and cross it, and in an alcove on the fire side, Pollux points out a ladder. This is our way out.

Katniss glances back at us all, "Wait! Where are Jackson and Leeg One?" She shouts. I turn around. They'd been there when we got to the door, I'd definitely seen them.

"They stayed at the Grinder to hold the mutts back," says Homes. The sick feeling in my stomach grows. There's no way anyone could have survived those hideous mechanical teeth, destroying everything in its way. I dig the cuffs harder in to my skin, desperately trying to hold on.

"What?" Katniss yells, and she lunges at the bridge, but Homes pulls her back.

"Don't waste their lives, Katniss. It's too late for them. Look!" Homes nods to the pipe, where the mutts are slithering onto the ledge.

"Stand back!" Gale shouts. With his explosive-tipped arrows, he rips the far side of the bridge from its foundation. The rest sinks into the bubbles, just as the mutts reach it.

But that doesn't stop them. They're shrieking Katniss's name, thirsting for her blood. Their terrible reptilian faces, are smeared in blood, as they launch themselves in to the sewage.

There's nothing I can do but clamp my hands tight over my ears as the rest of the crew opens fire on the mutts. But even this isn't enough, the mutts carry on advancing on us.

I know that we need to keep moving, but Katniss seems paralysed with horror. I lift her clean off the ground, and slam her hands on to the ladder.

"Climb!" I shout, and she does, with me scurrying after her. We reach a platform and switch to a second ladder, the rungs damp with sweat and mildew. Whatever was wrong with Katniss, she's returned to herself now. At the next platform she desperately pulls me off the ladder, but Cressida is the only person on the ladder behind me.

I see her eyes urgently flickering between me, Pollux, and Cressida, taking in the reality of the situation. We're the only ones here. Before I can stop her, she's back at the ladder and trying to climb down it.

"Climb!" I hear Gale shout, and she's back up, hauling Gale off the ladder and on to the platform. He looks terrible, his uniform shredded, and a gaping wound at the side of his neck. Blood drops sickeningly on to the torn fabric of his clothes. But he can't be the only one who made it up? There have to be others down there, trying to make their way to us.

Katniss is clearly having the same thought process as me, as she peers down the ladder.

"No," Gale says, turning Katniss's face towards him. I can feel myself beginning to slip, and holding on to myself is becoming more difficult by the second.

There's a terrible, pain filled human cry from below. "Someone's still alive," She pleads.

"No, Katniss. They're not coming," says Gale. "Only the mutts are."

Katniss seizes Cressida's gun, and shines the light from it down the shaft. Unable to stop myself I peer down in to the gloom, where I see Finnick struggling far below. His face is covered in a mixture of sweat and blood, as he furiously fights to climb away from the mutts. But then three of them leap on him, and he's clinging on the ladder by his finger tips. He lets out a dreadful yell of agony, as one sinks its teeth in to his arm.

As one mutt pulls back Finnick's head, to take a death bite, I close my eyes and back away towards the wall. It's almost like I can feel the venom surging up inside my brain, threatening to take over at any moment. I'm vaguely aware, of a booming crashing sound, but then there's nothing.

I pull my cuffed hands up to my face, biting down frantically on my tongue, my muscles completely tensed.

"Peeta?" Someone says my name, but I ignore them. "Peeta?" She's crouched in front of me, and has pulled my hands away from my face.

"Leave me," I whisper at Katniss. "I can't hang on."

"Yes. You can!" She shouts at me.

I shake my head, I know it's no good. I've seen what I could become. "I'm losing it. I'll go mad. Like them."

She pauses for a moment, before leaning in and kissing me full on the mouth. My whole body starts shaking, so many conflicting emotions raging inside me. The shiny memories battle the real ones, each feverishly trying to win the fight.

After what seems like hours, she comes up for air. Her hands slide up my wrists to clasp mine.

"Don't let him take you from me." She says in a choked whisper.

I'm panting hard, in the effort to keep control, and fight the raging nightmares in my head. "No. I don't want to…" I say.

She clasps my hands so tightly that it almost becomes painful.

"Stay with me."

There's a torrent of emotions fighting each other inside me, each vying for victory. But through it all, only one word floats towards me.

"Always," I murmur.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Katniss helps me to my feet, and turns to Pollux.

"How far is it to the street." She says. My eyes have become hazy, but I'm managing to cling on, forcing myself to push the emotions down. I vaguely see Pollux indicate above us, and Katniss goes first climbing the final ladder. Pollux goes second, and then me behind him.

The scene that awaits me on entering the utility room of an apartment, makes it even more difficult to hang on. A woman with fluffed up magenta hair, lies dead on the floor. An arrow protruding from her chest. An arrow that Katniss must have shot just seconds before.

While the others search her apartment to check if there are more people, I sit myself down on one of the purple velvet sofas. I seize one of the pillows and clamp my teeth hard down upon it, both trying to suppress a scream, and fight the tracker jacker induced memories.

But it's like that kiss has awoken something inside me. I remember things, things that I thought had been lost forever. Katniss sitting on a stool, while Gale lies on a table, blood seeping through bandage on his back. Katniss and I sitting in a dark cave, while she inspects a deep wound on my leg.

"How long do you think we have before they figure out some of us could've survived?" I hear Katniss ask.

"I think they could be here anytime," Gale answers. "They knew we were heading for the streets. Probably the explosion will throw them for a few minutes, then they'll start looking for our exit point."

After a few seconds I hear Cressida say that she knows our location, and that we're aren't that many blocks away from the Presidents mansion.

I bite down harder on the pillow, desperately trying to fend off the madness.

"Let's check her closets," Says Katniss, and I hear them all leave the room, returning a few minutes later accompanied by the rustling of clothes. She calls us all to dress, and I relinquish my grip on the pillow and get to my feet.

At the sight of my bloody wrists, Katniss reaches in her pocket for the handcuff key, but I quickly jerk away from her.

"No," I say. "Don't. They help hold me together."

"You might need your hands," says Gale.

"When I feel myself slipping, I dig my wrists into them, and the pain helps me focus," I answer, and she leaves them alone.

We conceal our uniforms under thick coats, and cloaks. We hang our boots around our necks by their laces and hide them, pull on some stupid fur lines, sequined shoes to replace them.

The real challenge comes with our faces. Cressida and Pollux are of course Capitol natives, so run the risk of being recognised by acquaintances. Gale may be familiar to some from all of the rebel propos he's been in, but me and Katniss are perhaps two of the most famous faces in Panem. We hastily help one another apply thick layers of makeup, pull on wigs and sunglasses, and Cressida wraps scarves over mine and Katniss's mouths and noses.

We stop for a few moments, to stuff our pockets with food and first aid supplies, before advancing towards the door.

"Stay together," Says Katniss, and then we all march out on to the busy Capitol street.

Agitated people swirl around us, speaking of rebels and hunger and me in their affected Capitol accents. We cross the street, pass a few more apartments. Just as we turn the corner, three dozen Peacekeepers sweep past us. We hop out of their way, as the real citizens do, wait until the crowd returns to its normal flow, and keep moving.

We've just about covered another block when the sirens begin, and I see an emergency report flashing on a television screen in a nearby apartment. All of our faces flash on the screen in turn, and I feel a pang of grief as I see Finnick's face. Clearly they haven't been able to work out who's dead and who's alive yet.

"Cressida?" I hear Katniss whisper, but I dare not turn to face her.

"There's one place. It's not ideal. But we can try it," Cressida says. We follow her a few more blocks and turn through a gate into what looks like a private residence. It's some kind of shortcut, though, because after walking through a manicured garden, we come out of another gate onto a small back street that connects two main avenues. There are a few poky stores—one that buys used goods, another that sells fake jewellery. Only a couple of people are around, and they pay no attention to us. Cressida begins to babble in a high-pitched voice about fur undergarments, how essential they are during the cold months. "Wait until you see the prices! Believe me, it's half what you pay on the avenues!"

We stop before a grimy shop front specialising in fur line underwear, and we push open the door, setting off a dissonant chime. We appear to be the only customers, and Cressida crosses straight to a hunched figure sitting at the back of the shop.

I feel a sudden jolt in my stomach as I get a glimpse of this woman. The skin has been pulled back tightly and tattooed with black and gold stripes. The nose has been flattened until it barely exists. I've seen cat whiskers on people in the Capitol before, but none so long. The result is a grotesque, semi-feline mask, which now squints at us distrustfully.

Cressida takes off her wig, "Tigris," she says. "We need help."

The name rings a bell, but I'm too tired, and too scared to go delving around trying to find out where I've heard it from.

"Plutarch said you could be trusted," adds Cressida.

Tigris stares at us intently through those slit like eyes, as if trying to place us. Katniss takes off her wig, and pulls the scarf from off of her face.

Tigris gives a low growl, before she slinks off her stool, and disappears behind a rack of clothes. There's the sound of sliding stone, and then her hand waves us forward. Katniss goes first, the rest of us following in her wake. As we push through the rack of fur lined garments, we see that Tigris has slid back a panel at the base of the wall. Behind it seems to be the top of a steep stone stairway, which she gestures at us to enter.

It certainly is not ideal, once we're down there, we'd be trapped like rats, at the mercy of Tigris. But what other choice to we have?

"Did Snow ban you from the Games?" Asks Katniss. Of course, that's where I remember Tigris from. She was a stylist in one of the earliest Hunger Games I can remember, until one year she was just gone. Sentenced to spend the rest of her life in a themed underwear shop. "Because I'm going to kill him, you know."

Katniss crawls in to the space first, followed by Gale, then Pollux, then me, then Cressida. Crawling on all fours with my hands still bound, is difficult, and the deep wounds on my skin are started to sting. A light flicks on below, signalling that Katniss is at the bottom of the steps. I hear the panel slide back, and the rest of us reach the basement.

It's a small cellar with no doors or windows. Shallow and wide. Probably just a strip between two real basements. It's dark and dank, the floor covered in old strips of fur. I'm reassured slightly, as there's no way anyone would no that we were here, unless Tigris gives away our position.

Gale looks on the verge of collapse, so we lay him on a bed of furs, and strip off his layers of weapons. At the end of the cellar, there's a faucet about a foot from the floor with a drain under it. Katniss turns the tap and, after much sputtering and a lot of rust, clear water begins to flow. We clean Gale's neck wound and but it becomes clear that he's going to need stitches. There's a sterile needle and thread in the first aid pack, and Katniss does a row of jagged stitches, while Gale furiously grits his teeth.

"You can rest now. It's safe here," She says, and he falls asleep in an instant.

While Cressida and Pollux make the rest of us beds out of the furs, Katniss attends to my wrists. She gently rinses away the blood, puts on antiseptic, and bandages them beneath the cuffs.

"You've got to keep them clean, otherwise the infection could spread and—"

"I know what blood poisoning is, Katniss," I say. "Even if my mother isn't a healer."

Katniss pauses for a moment, her eyes slowly moving up to reach mine, "You said that same thing to me in the first Hunger Games. Real or not real?"

"Real," I say. "And you risked your life getting the medicine that saved me?"

"Real." She shrugs. "You were the reason I was alive to do it."

"Was I?" This comment throws me in to confusion, and I can feel the venom threatening to take over. My muscles tense, and I feel my wrists straining against my newly bandaged wrists straining against the metal cuffs, before all the energy is sapped from my body.

"I'm so tired, Katniss."

"Go to sleep," She says. But I won't until she's rearranged my handcuffs and shackled me to one of the stair supports. I can't risk it, in such a small confined space. It's not comfortable, but it gives me peace of mind, and in a few minutes I drift off to sleep.

By the time we all wake up, Katniss tells us with a grave expression that she has a confession to make. She tells us how she lied about the mission, how she never received orders from President Coin of any kind, and she jeopardized everyone in pursuit of revenge.

There's a long pause, then Gale says, "Katniss, we all knew you were lying about Coin sending you to assassinate Snow."

"You knew, maybe. The soldiers from Thirteen didn't," She replies.

"Do you really think Jackson believed you had orders from Coin?" Cressida asks. "Of course she didn't. But she trusted Boggs, and he'd clearly wanted you to go on."

"I never even told Boggs what I planned to do," She says.

"You told everyone in Command!" Gale says. "It was one of your conditions for being the Mockingjay. 'I kill Snow.'"

"But not like this," Katniss replies. "It's been a complete disaster."

"I think it would be considered a highly successful mission," says Gale. "We've infiltrated the enemy camp, showing that the Capitol's defenses can be breached. We've managed to get footage of ourselves all over the Capitol's news. We've thrown the whole city into chaos trying to find us."

"Trust me, Plutarch's thrilled," Cressida adds.

"That's because Plutarch doesn't care who dies," Katniss says. "Not as long as his Games are a success."

Gale and Cressida go on trying to convince her, Pollux nodding at their words. It's only me who doesn't offer up an opinion.

"What do you think, Peeta?" She finally says.

I hesitate slightly before answering, "I think…you still have no idea. The effect you can have." I slide my cuffs up the support and push myself into a sitting position. "None of the people we lost were idiots. They knew what they were doing. They followed you because they believed you really could kill Snow."

My words seem to have the desired effect, because she doesn't argue anymore. Instead she pulls out a paper map from her pocket, and spreads it on the floor.

"Where are we, Cressida?" She asks.

Tigris's shop sits about five blocks from the City Circle and Snow's mansion. We're in easy walking distance through a zone in which the pods are deactivated for the residents' safety. We have disguises that, perhaps with some embellishments from Tigris's furry stock, could get us safely there.

"What we need is to get him out in the open," Gale says. "Then one of us could pick him off."

"Does he ever appear in public anymore?" I ask.

"I don't think so," says Cressida. "At least in all the recent speeches I've seen, he's been in the mansion. Even before the rebels got here. I imagine he became more vigilant after Finnick aired his crimes."

There's silence for a few moments, the sound of Finnick's name feels like a punch in the gut.

"I bet he'd come out for me," Says Katniss. "If I were captured. He'd want that as public as possible. He'd want my execution on his front steps." She hesitates. "Then Gale could shoot him from the audience."

"No." I say furiously shaking my head. "There are too many alternative endings to that plan. Snow might decide to keep you and torture information out of you. Or have you executed publicly without being present. Or kill you inside the mansion and display your body out front."

"Gale?" She says.

"It seems like an extreme solution to jump to immediately," he says. "Maybe if all else fails. Let's keep thinking."

In the quiet that follows, we hear Tigris's soft footfall overhead. It must be closing time. She's locking up, fastening the shutters maybe. A few minutes later, the panel at the top of the stairs slides open.

"Come up," She says in a gravelly voice. "I have some food for you."

As we climb the stairs, Cressida asks, "Did you contact Plutarch, Tigris?"

"No way to." Tigris shrugs. "He'll figure out you're in a safe house. Don't worry."

Inexplicably my mind wanders back to Delly, sitting back in District 13, wondering what has happened to me. The thought makes me feel so sorry her, and I feel a sudden rush of affection, for the girl who carried on visiting me, despite the fact that I must have been absolutely foul to her.

In the shop, the counter holds some stale hunks of bread, a wedge of mouldy cheese, and half a bottle of mustard. Katniss tells Tigris about our remaining food supplies, as it's clear that even people in the Capitol are going hungry these days. But she waves her objections away. "I eat next to nothing," she says. "And then, only raw meat."

This seems a little too in character, but none of us question it. Instead we just scrape the mould off the cheese, and divide it up between everyone.

While we eat, we watch the latest Capitol news coverage. The government has the rebel survivors narrowed down to the five of us. Huge bounties are offered for information leading to our capture. They emphasize how dangerous we are. Show us exchanging gunfire with the Peacekeepers, although not the mutts ripping off their heads. Then they do a tragic tribute to the woman with magenta hair, who Katniss killed.

"Have the rebels made a statement today?" She asks Tigris, who shakes her head. "I doubt Coin knows what to do with me now that I'm still alive."

Tigris gives a throaty cackle. "No one knows what to do with you, girlie."

I suppress a laugh, and we all pile back in to the cellar. We change bandages, handcuff me back to my support, and settle down to sleep.

I slip back in to consciousness a few hours later, my throat dry and cracked. I give a small groan, desperate for some water, but completely trapped with my hand secured to the stair support.

"Peeta?" A gruff voice says, "Are you all right?"

"Yeah I'm fine, just thirsty." I reply.

"Hang on a second," He says, and I hear the tap turning.

The figure softly moves across the basement, and presses a glass to my lips. Now that he's standing right next to me I see that it's Gale. I drink greedily until the glass is empty.

"Thanks for the water," I say.

"No problem," Gale replies. "I wake up ten times a night anyway."

"To make sure Katniss is still here?" I ask.

"Something like that," Gale admits.

There's a long pause before I speak again, thinking about what Tigris said. "That was funny, what Tigris said. About no one knowing what to do with her."

"Well, we never have," Gale says, and we both laugh.

"She loves you, you know," I say, another memory remerging. "She as good as told me after they whipped you."

"Don't believe it," Gale answers. "The way she kissed you in the Quarter Quell…well, she never kissed me like that."

"It was just part of the show," I tell him, but I can't hide the edge of doubt from my voice.

"No, you won her over. Gave up everything for her. Maybe that's the only way to convince her you love her." Gale says, and there's another long pause, "I should have volunteered to take your place in the first Games. Protected her then."

"You couldn't," I say immediately, "She'd never have forgiven you. You had to take care of her family. They matter more to her than her life."

"Well, it won't be an issue much longer. I think it's unlikely all three of us will be alive at the end of the war. And if we are, I guess it's Katniss's problem. Who to choose." Gale yawns. "We should get some sleep."

"Yeah." My handcuffs make a clanking sound, as I slide down to settle in. "I wonder how she'll make up her mind."

"Oh, that I do know." He says, "Katniss will pick whoever she thinks she can't survive without."


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

I don't know how I fall asleep, but eventually it happens. Katniss's face haunting my thoughts in my sleep. I know that Gale is right, about Katniss. He always is.

During an early breakfast of liver pâté and fig cookies, we gather around Tigris's television at the back of the shop, for one of the rebel break ins.

There's been a new development in the war. Apparently inspired by the black wave which struck us just after Boggs triggered the bomb, some enterprising rebel commander came up with the idea of confiscating people's abandoned automobiles and sending them unmanned down the streets. The cars don't trigger every pod, but they certainly get the majority. At around four in the morning, the rebels began carving three separate paths—simply referred to as the A, B, and C lines—to the Capitol's heart. As a result, they've secured block after block with very few casualties.

"This can't last," says Gale. "In fact I'm surprised they've kept it going so long. The Capitol will adjust by deactivating specific pods and then manually triggering them when their targets come in range."

Within minutes his prediction turns out to be true. A squad sends a car down a block, setting off four pods. All seems well. Three scouts follow and make it safely to the end of the street. But when a group of twenty rebel soldiers follow them, they're blown to bits by a row of potted rosebushes in front of a flower shop.

"I bet it's killing Plutarch not to be in the control room on this one," I say.

The rebels give the broadcast back to the Capitol, where a grim-faced reporter announces the blocks that civilians are to evacuate.

From the sound of shuffling outside my guess is that the refugees from the now occupied blocks, are steadily making their way towards the city circle. Katniss moves towards the window, and peaks out of the shutters at the world outside.

Tigris offers to be our spy for the day since she's the only one of us without a bounty on her head. After securing us downstairs, she goes out into the Capitol to pick up any helpful information.

Katniss paces back and forth, driving the rest of us crazy. I sit hugging my knees to my chest begging to remain sane, and not to descend in to mutt mode again.

Tigris still doesn't return, and by the late afternoon talk starts to get desperate. Dozens of scenarios run through my head, maybe she's been apprehended and arrested. Or maybe she's turned us in, and President Snow is on his way here right now.

But at around six o'clock we hear the floorboards creaking overhead, signalling her return. She opens the panel, and the wonderful smell of frying meat permeates the air. We all climb up the narrow stairwell, following the smell of the food, until we reach Tigris's kitchen. As it turns out fur underwear has become a valuable trading item, seeing as so many people left their homes underdressed, so Tigris has prepared us a hash of chopped ham and potatoes.

It's the first hot food I've had in days, and my mouth waters at the sight of it. Many are still out on the street, trying to find shelter for the night. Those who live in the choice apartments of the inner city have not flung open their doors to house the displaced. On the contrary, most of them bolted their locks, drew their shutters, and pretended to be out. Now the City Circle's packed with refugees, and the Peacekeepers are going door to door, breaking into places if they have to, to assign houseguests.

On the television, a harsh looking Head Peacekeeper reminds the people of the rules regarding how many people per square foot people will have to take in. He tells the citizens of the Capitol that temperatures will drop well below freezing tonight and warns them that their president expects them to be not only willing but enthusiastic hosts in this time of crisis. Then they show some very staged-looking shots of concerned citizens welcoming grateful refugees into their homes. The Head Peacekeeper says the president himself has ordered part of his mansion readied to receive citizens tomorrow. He adds that shopkeepers should also be prepared to lend their floor space if requested.

"Tigris, that could be you," I say, realizing that with the ensuing chaos going on outside, that it's unlikely that this narrow shop will be overlooked.

But the Head Peacekeeper hasn't finished, and the next thing he says makes my stomach turn. Apparently that evening there was an incident where a crowd pummelled and beat a man to death who supposedly resembled me. He reminds the citizens of the Capitol that all rebel sightings are to be reported to the authorities, and then they show a photo of the victim. Apart from some obviously dyed blonde hair, he looks about as much like me as Katniss does. I feel a swooping feeling of pity for the man, but on top of it all I feel an odd sense of relief. I would much rather be beaten to death on the street, then taken back to President Snow and tortured, and these people seem more than willing to treat me to the former rather than the latter.

"People have gone wild," Cressida murmurs.

We watch a brief rebel update in which we learn that several more blocks have been taken today. Out of the corner of my eye I see Katniss take out her map.

"Line C is only four blocks from here," She announces. "Let me wash the dishes." She adds.

"I'll give you a hand." Gale collects the plates.

My eyes follow them as the walk out of the room, and Gale's words to me from last night come back to me. _Katniss will pick whoever she thinks she can't survive without._

By the time we get back to the cellar, Katniss has made a decision. It's time for action, her and Gale are to go to the President's mansion, and see if they can find a way in, while Pollux and Cressida help to try and guide them there. It's me that's the problem though, I'm too unpredictable to go out with them.

I agree with Katniss whole heartedly. My company would only put the four of them at risk, besides I've already made my choice. I'd made it after the announcement of the man who looked like me and his gruesome death. The one thing I might still be useful for is making a distraction. They look at me in shock, as I announce that I'm going out on my own.

"To do what?" asks Cressida.

"I'm not sure exactly. The one thing that I might still be useful at is causing a diversion. You saw what happened to that man who looked like me," I say.

"What if you…lose control?" Katniss asks.

"You mean…go mutt? Well, if I feel that coming on, I'll try to get back here," I assure her, despite the fact that the thought of going crazy outside in a street full of people, terrifies me.

"And if Snow gets you again?" asks Gale. "You don't even have a gun."

"I'll just have to take my chances," I say. "Like the rest of you." The two of us exchange a long look, and I stare in to the eyes that look so much like Katniss's, and then Gale reaches into his breast pocket. He places his nightlock tablet in my hand. I let it lie on my open palm, neither rejecting nor accepting it. "What about you?"

"Don't worry. Beetee showed me how to detonate my explosive arrows by hand. If that fails, I've got my knife. And I'll have Katniss," says Gale with a smile. "She won't give them the satisfaction of taking me alive."

"Take it, Peeta," Katniss says in a strained voice. She reaches out, and closes my fingers around the pill. "No one will be there to help you."

So we spend one last night down in Tigris's cellar, awoken at intervals by each others nightmares. It's a relief when five o'clock rolls around, and we can begin whatever the day may hold. The feeling is exactly like the one I got during the time I was just about to enter the tube that would take me in to the Hunger Games arena. I could be dead in moments, I could kill someone in an instant. Only this time, there's no Portia for me to grip on to. No final words of comfort, and no reassuring squeeze of the hand.

We eat a mishmash of our remaining food—canned peaches, crackers, and snails—leaving one can of salmon for Tigris as meagre thanks for all she's done. The gesture seems to touch her in some way. Her face contorts in an odd expression and she flies into action. She spends the next hour remaking the five of us. She redresses us so regular clothes hide our uniforms before we even don our coats and cloaks. Covers our military boots with some sort of furry slippers. Secures our wigs with pins. Cleans off the garish remains of the paint we so hastily applied to our faces and makes us up again. Drapes our outerwear to conceal our weapons. Then gives us handbags and bundles of knickknacks to carry. In the end, we look exactly like the refugees fleeing the rebels.

"Never underestimate the power of a brilliant stylist," I say, and although it's hard to tell, I think Tigris might actually be blushing under her stripes.

The plan is to slip outside in to the mass of refugees in groups. Cressida and Pollux will go first, acting as guides while keeping a safe lead on us. Next will be Katniss and Gale, who will intend to position themselves among the refugees assigned to the Presidents mansion today. Finally I'll go, trailing behind, ready to create a disturbance if needed.

Tigris watches through the shutters for the right moment, unbolts the door, and nods to Cressida and Pollux. "Take care," Cressida says, and they are gone.

In a minute it will be time for Katniss to go; she turns to me, and takes out a key from her pocket. She quickly unlocks my handcuffs and stuffs them in to her pocket. I rub my wrists and flex them, relieved to be free from the restraints, but at the same time terrified that I might lose control.

"Listen," She says. "Don't do anything foolish."

"No. It's last-resort stuff. Completely," I promise.

And then she wraps her arms tight around my neck. I hesitate slightly, but then my arms close around her. It feels like a thousand memories are flooding back to me, holding Katniss to me, vowing to keep her safe. Something that I'm still trying to do.

"All right, then." She says, and releases me.

"It's time," says Tigris. Katniss kisses her cheek, fastens her red hooded cloak, pulls her scarf up over her nose, and follows Gale out into the icy air. Then she is gone.

Another minute passes until Tigris motions at the door again.

I grasp Tigris's hand, "Thank you," I say. She nods back at me, and pushes the door open.

I quickly sprint out of the shop, and join the crowd of refugees on the street. It's easy to blend in, and I crane my neck for some glimpse of Katniss. I don't see her, and I'm just starting to get worried when I hear a spray of gunfire.

I immediately drop to the ground, terrified that I might lose control. But instead of the horrible venom induced memories, I get a flash of a different memory.

"_You have a... remarkable memory."  
"I remember everything about you. You're the one who wasn't paying attention." "well, I don't have much competition out here"  
"you don't have much competition anywhere"_

I choke back a dry sob, and take a tentative look around. I heart drops in to my stomach, as I see the streets have been painted in blood. There are dead bodies everywhere, and people moaning and screaming in pain and anguish.

Horrified, I scan around, looking for a way out. There's a narrow looking alley about ten yards to my right. If I could just reach it, I may be able to find another root.

Another spray of gunfire, and I drop to the floor, trying my hardest to calm my breathing and play dead.

After another few minutes, I keep close to the floor, trying to ease myself along the road. Who is shooting at us? Have the Peacekeepers been informed that Katniss and the rest of us would try and make a break for it? Then I remember how close the rebel army was. President Coin wouldn't care about a few Capitol casualties, just as long as the job was done.

The alley is only about four yards away now, so I throw caution to the wind, jump up to my feet, and dart in to the shadows. It's okay I haven't been spotted, I lean against the stone wall, breathing deeply. I keep waiting for the mutt to take over, but it never does.

"_so that day in the music assembly when the teacher asked who knew the valley song, and your hand shot straight up in the air and she put you on a stool, so you could sing it for us all...and I swear every bird outside that window fell silent"  
"oh..please"  
"no it happened, and as soon as that song ended, i knew just like your mother I was a goner and then I spend the next eleven years trying to make up the nerve to talk to you"  
"without success"  
"without successs"_

And with this memory, more join them. My arms wrapped tight around Katniss, my face buried in her hair, my lips just touching her neck.

I push onwards down the alley way, coming out at another Capitol street. I keep close to the wall edging along it. There are more people on this street, each trying to claw their way a long, desperately trying to evade the gun fire. My heart is beating furiously, threatening to pound right out of my chest. Someone triggers a pod on the corner of the road, and I duck as the scores of heavy metal darts hit their marks.

More screams, more yells, more blood. People are starting to get even more desperate, and I break in to a run, trying to avoid trampling on the injured people lying in the road. Keeping as flat as I can against the wall, I run down more streets, until I eventually reach a huge clearing.

"_Stay with me."_

"Always."

I've reached the City Circle. It's full of people milling around, wailing, or just sitting and letting the snow pile up around them. I fit right in. I keep my distance, but slowly start to move towards the huge mansion. About halfway there, I become aware of the concrete barricade. It's about four feet high and extends in a large rectangle in front of the mansion. You would think it would be empty, but it's packed with refugees. Only on closer inspection I see that they're just children.

"_I wish I could freeze this moment, right here, right now and live in it forever."_

Toddlers to teenagers. Scared and frostbitten. Huddled in groups or rocking numbly on the ground. They aren't being led into the mansion. They're penned in, guarded on all sides by Peacekeepers.

There's a huge commotion, and I'm shunted sideways by the huge mass of bodies, I hear shouts of "The rebels! The rebels!" and know they must've broken through. I can barely see anything though, the crowd of people around me is too thick. People gesture towards the sky, and I look up just in time to see a hovercraft, marked with the Capitols seal, hovering directly over the children. Scores of silver parachutes rain down on them, and through a light gap in the crowd I see them bend down to pick them up.

And then as if the chaos couldn't get any worse, there's pandemonium as each one of the parachutes simultaneously explodes. I furiously push my way through the crowd, and I see that the snow has turned scarlet. Many of the children die immediately, but others lie in agony on the ground. Some stagger around mutely, staring at the remaining silver parachutes in their hands, as if they still might have something precious inside. I can tell the Peacekeepers didn't know this was coming by the way they are yanking away the barricades, making a path to the children. Another flock of white uniforms sweeps into the opening. But these aren't Peacekeepers. They're medics. Rebel medics.

"Prim! Prim!" I hear someone screaming that name. I hear Katniss screaming that name.

"Prim!" She shrieks, but I can't see her anywhere. And even if I could, why would she be screaming her sisters name? But then I do see her, fighting her way through the crowd, trying to reach a small thirteen year old girl, with a long blonde plait down her back.

"Prim!"

The Capitol citizens either side of me are wailing, and I push them aside, trying to reach Katniss.

But I don't reach her. Just as I break through the crowd, the second set of parachutes go off, and the world is set on fire.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

I've never really known pain until now. The smell of burning flesh is pungent in the air, as I desperately roll on the floor, trying to put myself out. The fire licks at my face, making its way over my arms, and torso. I scream until it feels like my lungs will explode, screaming for death.

And then, suddenly there's nothing. Just emptiness.

"He was very lucky," I hear a voice say, "The snow put out the worst of the flames, and most of his face was spared."

I'm in a dazed dream land, the morphling pumping round my body, numbing the biting, burning pain that runs over my entire body.

I remember seeing Katniss shrieking Prim's name, as she burned too. Burned just like I did. Then another image swims back to me. A pale faced thirteen year old girl, with long blonde hair, being completely consumed by the fire.

Am I alive? It doesn't feel like it. It just feels like I'm drifting along on fluffy clouds, just watching the world go by. I'm not dead I know that much now. I'm just asleep. But there comes a time where everyone has to wake up.

The eye wateringly strong smell of antiseptic stings my nostrils, and I'm vaguely aware of the doctors surrounding me. The dazzlingly bright tiles of the Capitol hospital make my eyes hurt, so I quickly shut them.

I hear things. Doctors murmurs, the wirring of machinery, Delly's panicked voice, and a young girl screaming.

The doctors get to work on me. Draping my rawness in new sheets of skin. Coaxing the cells into thinking they are my own. Manipulating my body parts, bending and stretching the limbs to assure a good fit. I hear over and over again how lucky I am.

I don't feel lucky. All I feel is pain.

Slowly my skin recovers, and it's only my mind that is in turmoil. President Snow was captured shortly after the parachutes went off. He's been tried, found guilty, and is now awaiting execution. Katniss was badly burnt, and I'm told that while she physically she'll make a full recovery, she's a mental wreck. Primrose Everdeen died that day, and I know that no amount of skin grafts, or morphling will ever numb that pain for Katniss.

I examine the new skin on my arms, and I discover that I look like a human patchwork quilt. The new skin is pink and raw, sometimes interweaving with the yellow of the minor burns, and the little amount of my own skin that actually remain.

But slowly it recovers, and I'm allowed to take short walks around the hospital courtyard, under the strict watch of several doctors. The influence of the morphling had kept the hijacked memories at bay, but now that my supply has been cut down, they start making their way back to me. I can fight them now though. I grip on to something, while closing my eyes, sifting through the shiny memories, trying to find the real ones.

One day I return from one of my walks, to find a grey rebel uniform folded on my bed, and Effie Trinket standing by it. I stare at her in disbelief, apart from the slightly vacant look in her eyes she seems completely unharmed.

"Effie?" I say, not quite believing my eyes.

"Hello Peeta," she says like nothing has happened between the quarter quell and now. "We've got another big big big day in front of us, so why don't you put on you're uniform and meet me outside in the corridor?"

I do as I'm told, dressing carefully so as not to upset my new sheets of skin. I join Effie outside the room, where I'm taken out on to the road, and driven though the city to the Presidents mansion. She then takes me through a maze of corridors, until I enter some kind of meeting room, with six people sitting around a table. Johanna, Beetee, Haymitch, Annie, and Enobaria

"What's going on?" I ask taking my seat.

"We don't know," says Johanna, "We think it must be some gathering of the remaining victors."

We sit in silence for about five minutes until the door opens again, and Katniss walks in. She's wearing a different uniform to the rest of us, black and short sleeved, mockingjay pin fixed over her heart. Her burn scars are just visible at her neck, and on her arms, but her face is barely affected at all.

"What's this?" She says.

"We're not sure," Haymitch answers. "It appears to be a gathering of the remaining victors."

"We're all that's left?" She asks.

"The price of celebrity," says Beetee. "We were targeted from both sides. The Capitol killed the victors they suspected of being rebels. The rebels killed those thought to be allied with the Capitol."

Johanna scowls at Enobaria. "So what's she doing here?"

"She is protected under what we call the Mockingjay Deal," says Coin as she enters the room. "Wherein Katniss Everdeen agreed to support the rebels in exchange for captured victors' immunity. Katniss has upheld her side of the bargain, and so shall we."

Enobaria smiles at Johanna. "Don't look so smug," says Johanna. "We'll kill you anyway."

"Sit down, please, Katniss," says Coin, closing the door. She takes a seat on the opposite side of the table to me, setting a pure white rose down on the table first.

As usual, Coin gets right to the point. "I've asked you here to settle a debate. Today we will execute Snow. In the previous weeks, hundreds of his accomplices in the oppression of Panem have been tried and now await their own deaths. However, the suffering in the districts has been so extreme that these measures appear insufficient to the victims. In fact, many are calling for a complete annihilation of those who held Capitol citizenship. However, in the interest of maintaining a sustainable population, we cannot afford this."

I shoot a glance across the table, and look at Katniss. For just a few seconds, my blue eyes, meet her grey ones. Before flickering away again.

"So, an alternative has been placed on the table. Since my colleagues and I can come to no consensus, it has been agreed that we will let the victors decide. A majority of four will approve the plan. No one may abstain from the vote," says Coin. "What has been proposed is that in lieu of eliminating the entire Capitol population, we have a final, symbolic Hunger Games, using the children directly related to those who held the most power."

All seven of us turn to her, and my heart drop in to my stomach. "What?" says Johanna.

"We hold another Hunger Games using Capitol children," says Coin.

"Are you joking?" I ask, the very idea of it is just repellent. This was the whole reason that we rebelled.

"No. I should also tell you that if we do hold the Games, it will be known it was done with your approval, although the individual breakdown of your votes will be kept secret for your own security," Coin tells us.

"Was this Plutarch's idea?" asks Haymitch.

"It was mine," says Coin. "It seemed to balance the need for vengeance with the least loss of life. You may cast your votes."

"No!" I burst out. I always thought of Coin as cold, maybe even a little harsh, but this puts her in a whole new light. She really is no better than Snow. "I vote no, of course! We can't have another Hunger Games!"

"Why not?" Johanna retorts. "It seems very fair to me. Snow even has a granddaughter. I vote yes."

"So do I," says Enobaria, almost indifferently. "Let them have a taste of their own medicine."

"This is why we rebelled! Remember?" I can't believe what they're saying, I look wildly around at the others. "Annie?"

"I vote no with Peeta," she says. "So would Finnick if he were here."

"But he isn't, because Snow's mutts killed him," Johanna reminds her.

"No," says Beetee. "It would set a bad precedent. We have to stop viewing one another as enemies. At this point, unity is essential for our survival. No."

"We're down to Katniss and Haymitch," says Coin.

Katniss remains silent for a few moments, her eyes fixed firmly on the rose.

"I vote yes…for Prim."

"Haymitch, it's up to you," says Coin.

"Haymitch no!" I shout, "Don't you see? Don't you see what's happening here? If you vote yes, then you're making yourself just as bad as Snow! You can't let that happen!"

But my cries fall on deaf ears. Haymitch keeps his eyes firmly on Katniss as he speaks.

"I'm with the Mockingjay," he says.

"Excellent. That carries the vote," says Coin in a business like matter. "Now we really must take our places for the execution."

As she passes Katniss, she holds up the glass with the rose. "Can you see that Snow's wearing this? Just over his heart?"

Coin smiles. "Of course. And I'll make sure he knows about the Games."

"Thank you," Katniss says.

Numb from the shock of it all, I take my place on the balcony, ready to watch Snows execution. Coin appears at the balcony to tumultuous roars, but I see her for who she really is. A power hungry murderer. No better than President Coriolanus Snow.

Then Katniss walks out bow in hand, waiting for them to bring Snow out. When they do, the crowd goes insane. The secure his hands to a post, and Katniss reaches back for an arrow. She positions it in the bow and takes aim. I see her hesitate slightly. Snow gives a cough, and a bloody dribble runs down his chin.

Then the point of her arrow shifts upward. She releases the string. And President Coin collapses over the side of the balcony and plunges to the ground. Dead.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

For a few seconds there's complete silence. Then it's pandemonium. Snow's laughter cuts through the air like a knife, a horrible gurgling cackle, and I see the blood run down his face, until the guards block him from view.

The crowd is going insane, and all the while Katniss just stands there completely stunned. I dart forward determined to help her, as the barrage of grey uniforms bare down upon her.

I see what she's about to do seconds before she does it. Her bow drops to the floor with a clatter, and she twists her neck down to her sleeve, ready to rip the nightlock pill out of its hiding place. Only she doesn't get the opportunity. My right hand grips on to her wrist, my left clamped down over the pocket in her sleeve. There's a sharp burst of pain, as her teeth sink in to my flesh.

She jerks her head back, and I find myself starring deep in to the depths of her grey eyes.

"Let me go!" She snarls, trying to free herself from my grip. But she has to know that there's no way I'd do that.

"I can't." I say, and as they pull her away from me, I rip the pocket from her sleeve. The deep violet pill falls silently to the ground, and is crushed to dust under a guards boot.

Katniss goes crazy, transforming in to a wild animal. She kicks, screams, claws and bites, as the guards lift her above the crowd and carry her in to the mansion.

And as her screams die away, the tormented thoughts inside my own head completely take over, and I black out.

When I wake up, I'm lying in another pristine white hospital room. My vision is hazy, but I'm vaguely aware of Dr Aurelius standing nearby.

"She's in isolation, but her trial starts tomorrow. Looks like he just couldn't cope with it."

Inexplicably with neither sense nor reason to it, I start to scream. It's quiet at first, almost like a low moan, but it builds and builds until it's the only thing that I can hear. Eventually like so many times before, they have to sedate me again.

Katniss killed President Coin. Real.

Her sister Prim is dead. Real.

My entire family is dead. Real.

After all the horrors that I've seen, I don't know whether I'll ever be able to face the world again. Real.

I play this game inside my head for hours at a time, refusing to speak to anyone.

Dr Aurelius sits at the side of my bed, occasionally asking me questions, but mostly just sleeping in the chair.

And this is how it stays for weeks. I remain silent, while outside the world is in uproar.

One day I awake to find my arms held down to the bed by some all too familiar leather straps, and I immediately feel myself tense up.

"Peeta calm down, we're just going to show something on the television." Dr Aurelius says, flicking a switch on a television screen in front of me.

The sight of Katniss brings back all of those shiny memories in an instant. I don't have the energy to sift through some anymore, to assure myself what's real and not real.

I yell out, breaking my days of silence, screaming insane ramblings at the screen. Yet again I feel the prick of a needle, as I'm forced in to unconsciousness.

When I wake up the memory of my behaviour the previous day comes back to me, and my whole body prickles with shame.

"What's happening to her?" I ask a sleeping Dr Aurelius, who wakes up instantly at the sound of my voice.

"Katniss?" He says, and I nod. "Well she went home to District 12 yesterday, accompanied by Haymitch Abernathy."

"She's gone home?" I croak, and Dr Aurelius nods. "Can I go home?"

"Oh Peeta, I think you've proved by your little episode yesterday that you've still got a long way to go until you can go home." He says sadly.

I take his words to heart, forcing my brain in to action. I learn to fight the shiny venom affected memories, keeping a tight hold on to the unaffected ones. Gradually I come back to myself. The memories are no longer in control of me, but I am in control of the memories. I still get attacks of them sometimes, but I force myself to grip tightly to the bed until it passes. And eventually it does pass.

One evening Dr Aurelius comes in to the hospital room, a tired smile on his face.

"Good news Peeta, you're going home."

Home. What does the word even mean? Home is meant to be a place where your family is, where you feel safe and warm. I don't have anywhere like that anymore.

"You're to continue under my care though, so I'll be making regular phone calls." He says, "Oh and by the way please tell Miss Everdeen that I can't pretend that I'm treating her forever. She's going to have to pick up the phone at some point."

I nod at his words and get to my feet. "Thank you." I say and I hold out my hand to him. Smiling slightly, he take it, and we shake hands in farewell.

I'm immediately escorted to the roof of the hospital, where I'm picked up by a hovercraft. It's an overnight trip to District 12, but I don't sleep. I watch the world go by outside the window, wondering if I'll ever be able to enjoy it again.

I exit the hovercraft on the green of the victor's village just as dawn is breaking. I turn and walk across the green until I'm at my old door.

Nothing has changed. My easel sits in the corner a half finished painting still sitting on it. The kitchen counter is covered in flour, and the faint smell of bread still punctuates the air. The tears are running down my face before I can stop them, and I have to get out of here.

I run out of the door, and across the green. I run through more anonymous streets, not recognising anything, until I reach the meadow. Only it's not really the meadow anymore, just a deep pit in the ground, preparing to welcome the dead.

I skirt around the hole, and I enter the woods through a gap in the fence. It's the first time I've ever crossed over the District boundary and entered the woods. It's eerily quiet, but peaceful at the same time. I stand still for a few moments breathing in the forest air, and letting the tears run down my face. I wipe away the moisture and look at the forest floor. Then I see them. Clustered around the bases of trees, delicate yellow flowers sit in the early dawn light. Primrose flowers.

I skirt around me to find something in which to carry the flowers, and luckily I spot an old wheel barrow and shovel sitting on the other side of the fence. I pull up the metal, and drag them through in to the woods, and set to work. After half an hour five bushes of flowers all sit in the wheel barrow, and I slowly trundle them home.

By the time I arrive back in the victors village the sun has fully risen. I wheel the flowers over to the front of Katniss's house. I get to work, digging up the ground below the windows, ready to plant the flowers there. After about fifteen minutes the front door bangs open, and Katniss comes running out.

She looks at me in disbelief for a few seconds, and I take in her appearance. She looks almost feral, her hair matted in to clumps around her head, her face has a wild look about it.

"You're back," She says, after a minute or so.

"Dr. Aurelius wouldn't let me leave the Capitol until yesterday," I explain. "By the way, he said to tell you he can't keep pretending he's treating you forever. You have to pick up the phone."

I see her eyes tracing me, taking in the burn scars which are dotted all over my body. I frown at her appearance, clearly she's just been sitting by herself, lost in her own grief. She tries to push her hair out of her eyes, but discovers for herself how matted it has become.

"What are you doing?" She says defensively.

"I went to the woods this morning and dug these up. For her," I say. "I thought we could plant them along the side of the house."

Her face turns hard for a moment, a flare of anger in her eyes. But then she looks at the flowers again, and her expression softens. She nods at me, before darting back inside the house.

I carry on digging, arranging the flowers in a line in front of the house, and after about an hour I hear my name.

"Peeta?" She says, and I turn to find Greasy Sae behind me.

"Hello," I say smiling at her, even though I never really knew her. "What are you doing here?" I add.

"Oh I came to make Katniss some breakfast, I look after her now. How are you doing?" She says shooting a concerned look at me.

I shrug, "I'm getting there," and I turn back towards the flowers, as Greasy Sae enters the house.

When I finish planting the flowers I take a walk out of the victors village, and down to the remains of the town square. Carts trundle through the streets, collecting the remains of the bodies. The town square is unrecognisable, the shops all crumbled to the floor.

It's hard to believe that it was here that grew up. In this square I was reaped all those years ago, and my life was changed forever. If I had never been reaped what would have happened? Would I still be working in the bakery, icing the cakes, and trying to pluck up the courage to talk to Katniss? Whoever that boy was, he's long gone, and I don't think I'll ever see him again.

Almost without thinking about it I walk over to where my bakery once stood. All that remains is rubble. All gone, never to return again.


	24. Chapter 24

**Hello all :) So this is the last chapter, apart from the epilogue, and I just wanted to say what a pleasure it has been to write this for all of you. The encouragement and lovely comments you have given me, have been amazing, and they've actually inspired me to work on a novel of my own. If you haven't already read my versions of The Hunger Games, and Catching Fire from Peeta's perspective, then please do, and I do hope that you'll read any more writing that I'll do in the future. Once again a HUGE thank you to everyone who has stuck with this story until the very end and I really hope you enjoy this last chapter and the epilogue when I post it. **

Chapter 24

Somehow I make it back to my house, where I fasten the bolt tightly across the door.

I collapse on the kitchen floor, sobs completely taking over my body. Nothing will ever be the same again, and I feel so completely alone. I don't know how long I lie there, but by the time I get up the sun is setting, casting long shadows across the kitchen floor.

Exhausted I stumble up the stairs, and collapse on to my bed. But the nightmares don't leave me unmolested. Fire burns everything in its path, and I'm forced to watch as Katniss screams, her entire body aflame.

Then I enter a long corridor, where I see everyone I've ever known who's dead. It's a long corridor, and by the time I get to the end of it I'm a mental wreck. My mother, father, brothers, Mitchell, Boggs, Prim, Cato, Rue, Glimmer, Clove, Portia, Cinna, Finnick…

I wake up paralysed with fear, my muscles completely tensed, and covered in a cold sweat. But I can't let the nightmares defeat me. So after washing and dressing I wander in to my kitchen. I do what I always used to when I wanted a distraction. I bake bread.

I lose myself completely, and it's almost like nothing has changed. That's an illusion though, because of course everything has changed. The kitchen fills with that all too familiar smell, and as the sun rises I leave the house, bread tucked under my arm.

I arrive at Katniss's house, at the same time as Greasy Sae, who ushers me in to the kitchen with a smile. Katniss looks completely different from yesterday. Her hair has been combed out of its matted mess, and she looks fresh and clean. But there's an unmistakable vacant look in her eyes, which cuts through me like a knife.

"Good morning," she says quietly.

"Good morning," I smile back at her.

We eat breakfast together, not saying anything else, but not needing to. When you've been through so much with one person, words seem unnecessary.

I see her every day after that, and I feel a feeling that I never thought would come to me again. I see Haymitch, who carries on drinking, Katniss hunts, and I bake.

One day Katniss has an idea, and after a call to Dr Aurelius a book of parchment sheets arrives on the next train from the Capitol. It's just like her family book full of plants, but this time it's for the people. For the memories.

"I don't want the memories to fade," She whispers, when we both sit in her kitchen one night.

"Then we won't let them," I whisper back, putting my hand over hers. She smiles at me, causing a nervous jolt to run through my stomach.

"I'm scared Peeta," She admits, "What if after all we've been through, we just let it go? What if people don't learn anything from it?"

"That won't happen," I promise, and I give her hand a tight reassuring squeeze.

That's how the book was started. We'd find a photograph, and if none could be found then I would draw a picture of them. Then steadily, the page would fill up with Katniss's careful handwriting, documenting everything we could remember about the person. Like Lady licking Prim's cheek in front of the fire one night, my father and the way he always used to sheepishly buy Katniss's squirrels when my mother wasn't looking. The exact colour of Finnick Odair's eyes, and after several months, we add a picture of his and Annie's newborn son. Rue stands with her arms outstretched as if she were a bird ready to take flight. The way my brothers always used to tease me about Katniss, but how they would always be there for me if I wanted to talk.

We talk through all the memories, and it makes us stronger. Haymitch joins us, contributing twenty three years of fallen tributes that he was forced to mentor. But inevitably the additions become smaller. The odd memory which surfaces, and strange bits of happiness.

District 12 grows tougher, and eventually it is rebuilt. I build the bakery back up again, but for my father more than anything else. I hope that if he could see me now, he would be proud of me. The people gradually begin to return, because I suppose that no matter how small, or how broken Twelve is, it will always be called home. With the mines closed, they plough the ashes into the earth and plant food. Machines from the Capitol break ground for a new factory where we will make medicines. Although no one seeds it, the Meadow turns green again.

But the hijacking can't leave me alone. I'm in my house a few months later when I get an attack, but I grip hard on the back of my chair, until the memory passes. I hear a small tap, and I whip around to find Katniss at my kitchen door.

"Are you alright?" She asks sheepishly.

"Yeah," I gasp, rubbing my hands together, my eyes streaming slightly, but she keeps looking worriedly at me. "I'm sorry, I can't always help it, sometimes it just happens," I say apologetically

"Peeta, you don't need to apologise," she says moving closer towards me, "I know you can't always stop it."

I open my arms, and she walks straight in to them. I close my eyes, burying my face in her hair.

"You'll stay with me?" I whisper.

"Always," She whispers back.

We realise that we could never hope to fight the nightmares alone, and together we were always stronger, so I move in with her. Most night she still awakes screaming, but my arms are there to comfort her. My nightmares are easier to cope with, as the second I see her face all the fear goes away. I love her. I love her more than life itself. The feeling awakes so many new things inside me, and I feel so much like my old self, that it's almost unnerving. She is the girl on fire, and I am the boy with the bread.

I remember something Gale said to me, when we were hiding out in a basement, preparing to change the world_. Katniss will pick whoever she thinks she can't survive without. _I didn't understand what he meant at the time, but now I do. She doesn't need Gale's fire, and rage. She needs to know that no matter how bad things get, it can always be okay again. Life can go on, and it doesn't matter how badly a person has been damaged, they can recover.

At night I keep her wrapped safely in my arms, trying to protect her from the torment inside her own head. Her eyes flicker open, and they look at me. She reaches out a hand, and softly brushes the hair off my forehead. I smile at her, and pull her waist tighter towards me. She places both of her hands on either side of my face, and leans in to kiss me softly on the mouth.

When we break apart, I whisper, "You love me. Real or not real?"

She tells me, "Real."


	25. Epilogue

**So here it is the epilogue to Mockingjay – Hijacked, and the end of the series. It has been an amazing experience to write this, and I really really hope that you all enjoyed reading it :) **

**Epilogue**

They play deep in the meadow. My children. My daughter who has her mothers long dark hair, but my blue eyes. And my son, who has blonde curly hair, and Katniss's piercing grey eyes. She gives a long peel of laughter, and runs through the grass, while he struggles to keep up with her on his little toddler legs.

_Deep in the meadow, under the willow  
A bed of grass, a soft green pillow  
Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes  
And when again they open, the sun will rise._

I laugh too, and turn to Katniss who's smiling down at them both. I reach out and grasp her hand in mine, where she squeezes tightly back. It took fifteen years for her to agree to children, but eventually she decided that the time was right. She knew how badly I wanted them, and there's nothing to be afraid of anymore. The games are gone, and the children on Panem are safe.

_Here it's safe, here it's warm  
Here the daisies guard you from every harm  
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true  
Here is the place where I love you._

It was here that I asked her to marry me, all those years ago. She was scared though, I know she was. But I'm always here for her, and she knows that. When Katniss became pregnant with them, she was terrified, and only the feeling of holding them in her arms, made that fear go away. The euphoria I felt at holding my children for the first time was one that was so powerful it seemed as old as time itself.

_Deep in the meadow, hidden far away  
A cloak of leaves, A moonbeam ray  
Forget your woes and let your troubles lay  
And when again it's morning, they'll wash away._

All the arenas have been destroyed, and the memorials have been built in all of the Districts. They teach children about the Games in schools, and our daughter knows that we played a role in them. Our son doesn't know anything yet, but the time will come when they both need to be told what happened.

_Here it's safe, here it's warm  
Here the daisies guard you from every harm  
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true  
Here is the place where I love you._

I tell Katniss that it'll be okay. We have each other, and we have the book, so we can make them understand in a way that will make the braver. We know that the nightmares will never really go away, but we hold to each other, and what we have together.

And whenever it feels like to it's too unbearable to carry on, I remind myself of how far we've come, and what we have to live for. I make a promise to live long and well, in place of all the people who were lost along the way. Katniss is there for me, and my children bring the light to my life. I keep in mind to tell them, that no matter how dark the world may seem, that light can always be found. You just have to remember to look for it.

**THE END**


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